Ask Willie D

I Pretend My Man Is Someone Else During Sex. Help!

I Pretend My Man Is Someone Else During Sex. Help!
Jeff Fitlow
Dear Willie D:

I’m from a traditional Catholic family that believes a woman must be married with children to have worth. All the women in my family are married and cater to their men. The women are expected to act a certain way. My boyfriend is the son of a family friend. My dad likes him a lot.

Our relationship was sort of an arrangement. I say sort of because we weren’t forced to be together, but we were expected to be. I love my boyfriend as I would a family member, but have never really been physically attracted to him. This makes sex with him awkward, and both of us are often left dissatisfied.

I have to imagine he’s someone else in order to get an orgasm. Before we started dating, we were best friends. I used to be able to tell him anything. Now I feel like crud because my feelings are disingenuous. How do I tell him that I’m not attracted to him without hurting his feelings?

Pretend Sex:

Be straight-up and tell him something like, “You’re a great guy, but we’re not romantically compatible. I would rather we go back to just being friends.”

If he requests breakup sex, tell him, “Okay, but only with the lights off.”


Dear Willie D:

I’m a track and field coach. After coaching a particular boy for three years, I received an email from his mother saying that he will no longer be working with me. She didn’t offer an explanation or anything. I tried calling her right away to see what was going on, but she never responded. I also sent her two text messages; still nothing.

At this point my mind is racing, thinking, is it something I did, are they moving, is he sick, etc. Then I was talking on the phone to a friend and he told me the reason I was terminated was because the mother heard I had committed fraud with my previous employer. That was news to me because the employer in question is my landlord.

Do you think he would rent to someone who would defraud him? I trained her son to be better than an average sprinter, which wasn’t easy, and that’s how she repays me. I’m so mad that I don’t care about her or her son now. As it stands, I just want to clear my name. What do you suggest I do, considering she won’t communicate with me?

Running Mad:

Find out who the person is that started the rumor and confront him or her. If the rumor really is a lie, that person will either deny starting it or recant. Either way, get some type of documentation of the communication just in case you need it for proof at a later time.

Contact the mother via email or text message explaining the situation, and let chips fall where they may.
If I've learned anything living in the crazy world, I’ve learned that people will believe a lie because they want it to be true, or because they’re too lazy to seek the truth.


Dear Willie D:

Usually it’s the female in the relationship who makes impulsive buying decisions. But my boyfriend is the one who buys things without thinking or doing any research on the product or company.

It makes me angry because everything you need to know about anything is right at your fingertips nowadays. A simple Google search and boom! It’s all there for you to soak in. I came home yesterday to see him watching a 78-inch curved Samsung Smart TV that he paid $6,000 cash for because the salesman told him it was the best TV on the market.

The design is one of the nicest I’ve seen for a 4K Smart TV, but it’s not worth it when my friend’s smart TV has a better picture and cost less than $1,000. He really likes his new toy, which by the way he bought with his own money, so I feel bad for criticizing him, but jeez!

6K TV:

It’s interesting that you pointed out the problem but didn’t seek advice for a solution. That tells me you’re not all that mad about that cool-looking $6,000 TV. You’re mad about the collective impulsive decisions your boyfriend makes.

Sit down and discuss how you feel with your man in a respectful manner and let it go. On the bright side, at least you’re not married. If you break up, the good news is you won’t have to figure out who gets the TV.


Dear Willie D:

I’m a private person, but my girlfriend tells her friends and family members about everything that goes on in our relationship. At the moment, we’re fighting to keep our house out of foreclosure. Despite this being a private matter, she told anybody willing to listen.

The fact that we don’t have any privacy in our life disturbs my physical and mental equilibrium. How do I get her to stop telling our business without coming off as confrontational?

Private Person:

Sit her down and tell her exactly how her telling family and friends your personal business is affecting you. She’s socially forthcoming and you’re private. As long as no one is hiding unhealthy behavior, each person’s lifestyle should be respected.

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Willie D is a member of the legendary hip hop band, the Geto Boys, the host and executive producer of the Willie D Live podcast, and an advice columnist for the Houston Press since 2013.
Contact: Willie D