Dear Willie D:
I really enjoy your music and I try to emulate and do things in your songs. But after reading your advice column I realized that you were probably just joking or you were only like that in the past. I'm 21 years old and I met a girl through my friends at a bar. She was really friendly. But her ex who went to my school messaged me and said, don't trust her because she cheated on him.
One time she was telling me that my new pickup line to pick up girls when I go to bars with her should be, "Sex is a beautiful thing, want me to show you?" I told her it was too direct and corny, but she claimed girls would sleep with me if I said it. Then she dropped something and I tried emulating your lyrics. Instead of picking it up, I just slapped her butt and she almost slipped. She kept asking me to come to her house, but trying to emulate you I acted like a jerk and said no and she would keep saying, why not?
I wanted to take the jerk thing to the next level, so as she was making me eggs one morning I said, we have no chemistry and she seemed upset, but didn't respond. At a party she invited me to she said that she wanted to "play fight" me, but I refused and she punched me a few times and I told her to chill. She seems to want to prove she's tough. Anyway, later at the party someone asked for her age and she didn't want to reveal it. I retorted by saying, you know she's old when she doesn't want to say her age. Again, she was upset at me.
After all this I was at her house watching TV and she had fallen asleep. I knocked on her bedroom door at seven in the morning, woke her up and asked her if I could sleep in her bed, and she said, no. I couldn't believe it. Willie, does being the bad boy work for women, especially younger women? Because I'm trying to be the guy from "I'm Not A Gentleman" and "Gangsta of Love" it only makes females hate me.
Factitious Jerk:
You are a funny dude. Women don't like jerks, they like bad boys. I guess I'm sort of a refined bad boy. While I did exhibit some characteristics of being un-gentleman-like in my younger days, as with many songs, "I'm Not a Gentlemen" was exaggerated for entertainment purposes. The intent of the song was not for you to treat women like dirt; it was to not allow women to treat you like a doormat. Men fall for bodies, while women fall for personalities. Sure, a woman will sleep with Denzel Washington, but if he is boring and has no spine she will lose interest.
Women like challenges. They; especially the younger ones, want someone they can fix; which never happens. The good guy is dependable and steady while the bad boy is unpredictable and indifferent to her needs. She knows she could lose him at any moment, so she fights harder to prove she is worthy of him. The key for guys is adopting the bad boy traits that women love such as confidence and spontaneity and balancing the bad ones like cockiness and self-absorbance.
Love is not supposed to hurt. Love is not disrespectful. Love is not disloyal. Like men, most women don't realize that until later in life. I wrote "I'm Not a Gentleman" and Gangsta of Love" when I was 22 years old. When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
Damn, man, if I had known you were going to act out the lyrics in my songs word for word I would have also told you to pay the note on my mortgage and buy me a fresh pair of Nikes twice a month.
HER KIDS ARE DESTROYING OUR RELATIONSHIP
Dear Willie D:
I've been living with the same woman for about five years. She is a loan officer and I am a homebuilder. Together we make about $300,000 each year with most of the money coming from me. But we still live paycheck to paycheck. The main reason is we spend a lot of money on her three kids from a previous relationship. She buys them all the latest fashions and expensive cellphones they want.
She spent $600 to buy her 12-year-old daughter a Samsung Galaxy 4 and she lost it after just having it for two days. We spend over $20,000 each year on private schools. I could probably tolerate her excessive spending more if her children were more obedient. They are spoiled brats who talk back to their mother and me. When I try to discipline them, their mother gets upset with me and we end up not speaking to each other for a few days.
Her oldest son, who is 14 years old, got kicked out of school for possession of marijuana. So now he just sits around the house smoking and eating all day while we're at work, and I'm sick of it. I have told my lady time and time again that her kids are out of control, but she is dismissive of any criticism about them. I love her but I don't know what can be done to fix this problem. Do you have any suggestions?
Homebuilder:
You get major props for taking care of another man's children but it appears that your efforts are underappreciated. The kids have no respect for you or their mother and there's nothing you can do about it without the mother imploding.
If I were standing in your shoes, I would give the mother an ultimatum to stand in solidarity with me to raise the kids. If she refuses to -- which I suspect she will -- I would move on. Being a homebuilder, you of all people should know; a house divided cannot stand.
PREVIOUSLY ON ASK WILLIE D
She Likes Rough Sex and It Scares Me. Help! Am I a Mama's Boy or a Good Son? Help! I Allow My 8-Year-Old To Drink Alcohol. Help!
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