Ask Willie D

I Want to Be Friends With My Ex's New Wife. Help!


Dear Willie D:

I’m 17 years old, and I live at home with my parents, who force me to attend church. Most of the time when I’m home, I’m tired from school and work. They don’t care that I don’t want to go. I don’t even know if I believe in God, and them making me go to church only makes me not want to believe.

I’m tired of sitting in the same position for hours at a time listening to somebody tell me how perfect and loving I should be and how I’m going to hell if I sin and don’t repent. What can I say to them to make them change their mind about forcing me to go to church?

Same Position:

They say when you force people to do something they don’t want to do, even if it’s good for them they will come to resent it. As a kid my mom forced me to go to church, but that’s not necessarily the reason why I hated going. I hated going for the same reason most kids hate going to church: it’s boring and kids can’t sit still for two hours listening to a bunch of stuff they can’t understand by some old man or woman.

Tell your parents you don’t like going to church because after school and work you’re too tired to do anything else. Most kids have activities through the week and on Saturdays, so Sunday is one of the few days they look forward to sleeping in. Additionally, you’re at an age where you should be able to express your religious beliefs and have them respected by your parents. The operative would is should.

Your parents seem like the type that operates under the rule of, “If you’re going to live in this house, you’re going to church.” So when you decide to share your thoughts be prepared to hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.


Dear Willie D:

After having my baby, I had a mild form of edema, a condition that causes the feet to swell. I felt like an elephant the first several days after my pregnancy. It’s been over a year now and my body is almost back to normal physically except for some unattractive stretch marks around my abdomen, and hips that I have to live with.

I hate that I can’t show off my abs like before. I wear a sarong at public pools and beaches, or sometimes I wear a towel. When I make love to my husband, I always make sure that there is little visibility by making sure the lights are off or waiting until nightfall before I get completely nude. My husband says it doesn’t bother him, but I’m self-conscious about it. Help me get over the feeling of feeling ugly.

Stretch Marks:

Your husband told you himself that your stretch marks don’t bother him. You know why? Because men never notice a woman’s physical flaws to the extent she does. I’ve overheard the women in my family and others say that cocoa butter and Bio-Oil works, so try those products and see what happens.

Self-consciousness is more unattractive than flaws. Furthermore, stretch marks are a natural part of procreation, which is no easy task. Anyone who has a problem with them isn’t fit to live.


Dear Willie D:

Considering the shape the country was in when President Obama took office, I will give him credit for doing a decent job. But some of his policies are questionable. His intent to implement a redistribution of wealth is anti-American. Why does he want to take from the rich, and give to the poor?

Questionable Policies:

Maybe because the rich take from everybody else.


Dear Willie D:

It’s been only two years since my divorce, but my ex has already remarried. That’s not a problem because I want him to be happy. We have two kids together and he has a child with his new wife. I want to be friends with his wife.

We don’t have to hang out or go shopping together, but I would like to at least be able to talk to her on the phone and have a decent conversation. I’m aware that most people want nothing to do with their ex’s new mate, but if she’s going to be around my kids, I want to know who she is and that I can trust her. How can I forge a friendship with her?

Sneaky Friendship:

To want to befriend your ex-husband’s new wife for the sole purpose of spying on her is as low-down and conniving as it gets – and I love it! If you want to become friends with your ex’s new wife, you have to show her you’re not a threat. Only communicate with your ex-husband as it relates to your kids, and whenever you come in contact with the new wife be cordial.

Also, get your own man, and invite her and your ex to your house for a birthday party or function for the kids. When they come over, let her see how in love you are by displaying affection toward your man.

Regardless of your intent, it’s good to know you’re not bitter. Rather than thanking the new spouse for rescuing them from a bad relationship, many people resent the new spouse. Karma is real, so even if they played a role in your breakup, there’s no good reason to hate your ex’s significant other — unless she treats your kids bad or stands too close to you when she talks.

Ask Willie D anything at, and come back next Thursday for his best answers.

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Willie D is a member of the legendary hip hop band, the Geto Boys, the host and executive producer of the Willie D Live podcast, and an advice columnist for the Houston Press since 2013.
Contact: Willie D