Dear Willie D:
I'm in my junior year of college and my time is limited to hitting the books, working a part-time job and dating my boyfriend, in that order. Of course my boyfriend feels left out, but I have to constantly explain to him that my primary goal is to get a degree, and to do that I have to maintain my job to help pay for tuition.
He's been getting mad at me a lot lately because I have been able to spend very little time with him due to my obligations. He is always trying to make me feel guilty by saying I put my job and school over him. What am I missing? When I try to explain to him that it's not a competition, it's priorities, he says my priorities are mixed up because school and work are temporary.
He knows I love him, but he's pressuring me to choose between him and my education. If I give him more time my grades will slip; if I don't he will break up with me. Help me figure this out.
Limited Time:
Your boyfriend is childish and self-serving, which is proof that love does not conquer all. You were right to tell him he's not in competition with your school and work.
You appear to be a smart young lady so hopefully you'll take heed to the forthcoming warning. Something is seriously wrong with a man who tells a woman to choose between him, and her education. But if a woman chooses to stay in a relationship with a guy who can't respect obligations, discipline and priorities, something is wrong with you too.
I USE WOMEN PURELY FOR SEX
Dear Willie D:
I'm a single man with no kids. After surveying the relationship landscape and considering how much infidelity, and distrust is out there, I decided years ago that I would rather play the field than to be stuck on one particular base.
I don't trust women, but I do love their companionship. So instead of putting myself in a position to be taken advantage of or have my heart broken again, I choose to play the field. There is nothing sneaky about my motivations. I tell women up front that I'm not interested in commitment, and they can take it or leave it.
That may sound heartless to some, but my mantra is to disclose my intentions at the beginning; that way no one gets hurt. I've been reading your column for about a year and I'm taken aback at how often people in relationships don't get an understanding before things get serious. I don't care how pretty or successful she is. At this stage in my life all I want is sex.
Physical Affection:
I'm sure there are women fuming right now at the thought of you boldly admitting that you only want women for sex. But if what women say about wanting a man to be truthful with them is accurate, then there are at least a few who will appreciate your candidness.
Honesty is the best policy; unless of course she puts a pistol to your head and asks you, "Do you love me?"
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