Houston Music

Important Safety Tips From Knights of the Fire Kingdom's New Video

Houston rawkers Knights of the Fire Kingdom have the kind of hell-for-leather sound that throws caution to the wind and is perfectly embodied by the motorcycle daredevil on th e cover of their new self-titled LP, due next month. This week the five-piece released the first video from said album, a dive-bombing screaming eagle of a track entitled “Church of the Retarded.” And although the song rocks pretty hard, as most KOTFK songs do, the video also teaches an important lesson about camaraderie and brotherhood, and why it's important to stay in your fellow band members' good graces.

But it also has a lot of everyday household-safety and self-defense advice that some viewers might not pick up on right away because the band is rocking so hard. Too bad they didn't heed it themselves. So while you're watching the video, be on the lookout for these helpful tips.

Knights of the Fire Kingdom - Church of the Retarded from Jeoaf Johnson on Vimeo.

** Never leave a box of noodles on the stove.

** When standing in a driveway and facing the street, always check to see if a car is backing out behind you.

** When blowing dandelion seeds, watch for saber-wielding bandmates lurking around the corner, at the risk of getting beheaded.

** When reading on the patio, be careful that a bandmate doesn't sneak up and pour poison into your beer.

** Don't piss off your drummer, because he might be hiding a pistol in his hi-hat.

** If you smell a gas leak, never light a cigarette.

The Knights, who have somehow all made a miraculous recovery from the events of the video, will host an album-release party for on Friday, July 3 at Fitzgerald's with special guests We Were Wolves, Satellite d'Homme and Brand New Hearts; plus some sweet T-shirts from the good people of Caught In Customs. Crash helmets encouraged.
KEEP THE HOUSTON PRESS FREE... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Chris Gray has been Music Editor for the Houston Press since 2008. He is the proud father of a Beatles-loving toddler named Oliver.
Contact: Chris Gray