Today is the sixth International Day of Slayer, started in 2006 to coincide with June 6, 2006, the most evil-numbered date in history. It's also lead singer Tom Araya's birthday, and the guitarist now makes his home on a ranch in Buffalo, Texas - God's country, really, just a few hundred miles north of Houston.
Oh, and it's also the 67th anniversary of D-Day, so be sure to honor that first before you even do anything else. If it wasn't for the brave men at Normandy fighting for the peace in this world, we probably couldn't even have Slayer. We would all be listening to lots of Richard Wagner and Kraftwerk. Well... that's not so bad, but it's not Slayer.
Rocks Off is a firm believer in the power and majesty of Slayer, from the vicious lyrics of Araya, the punishing riffs of Kerry King, to the gruesome imagery on all their albums. We reviewed their show here last summer like we were seeing the Beatles, and we even made this goofy meme involving a chick with a sweet Slayer tattoo on her abs a few months back. Funnily enough, we later found out later she is actually a member of the band's management team.
In honor of International Day Of Slayer, we picked ten songs for those delicate occasions in your life that come up, the ones that, now that you are supposed to be a grown-up, need a dash of Slayer. Real life may dictate that you turn down the volume, but all of us Slayer fans know that when the going gets brutal, you turn up the fucking Slayer.
We mean "SLAAAAAAYYYYYAHHHH!!!"
Not looking forward to your high school reunion?
"Skeletons of Society," Seasons Of The Abyss, 1990
Writing a letter to the company that makes Goober Grape, the jar that contains both peanut butter and jelly?
"Criminally Insane," Reign In Blood, 1986
Going on a weekend-long trip with your in-laws, who refuse to drink, smoke, gamble, and associate with those who do?
"South of Heaven," South Of Heaven, 1990
That creepy dude at the gym keeps offering to give your girlfriend private personal training sessions?
"Public Display of Dismemberment," World Painted Blood, 2009
"What?? You mean I owe the government money this year? But I made all the right deductions!"
"Americon," World Painted Blood, 2009
Got your hand caught in a blender on Thanksgiving Day while helping make the stuffing? It doesn't feel good, and you might not be playing Xbox for a few months?
"Flesh Storm," Christ Illusion, 2006
The wife makes fun of you for collecting those cool old Starting Lineup baseball figurines from the '80s?
"Playing With Dolls," World Painted Blood, 2009
"Seriously guys, I know it's a bachelor party, but I cannot do another shot of absinthe. I am already craving Taco Bell... and why am I holding three mail boxes made out of human hair?"
"Threshold," God Hates Us All, 2001
"There is nothing wrong with collecting autographed Selena Gomez pictures. She's legal, dude."
"Deviance," God Hates Us All, 2001
Buying some new, humane mouse traps for the house because you couldn't handle all the screaming?
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"Serenity In Murder," Divine Intervention, 1994