Rocks Off hates Katy Perry with the white-hot burning intensity of a thousand suns. Her songs sound like Pink with a lobotomy, and she looks like Zooey Deschanel playing a really low-cost prostitute. When the video for "California Gurls" came out, we saw something that we never thought we'd see. No, not the milk cannons. That's laid out pretty plainly in the book of Revelation.
No, we saw Snoop Dogg look embarrassed to be someplace, and the only other time we saw that was when he was paid to look embarrassed on The L Word. Seriously, there is not a single more easygoing human being on the planet than Snoop. If you pay him, he'll be there, and he will be there 100 percent.
But his face in the video makes it real clear he'd rather be hosting a video games award show or watching True Blood or pretty much anything else. So to take the itch Ms. Perry has given us away, here's the official Old Man parody of "California Gurls."
Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.