Last Night: Girl Talk At Verizon Wireless Theater

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Girl Talk Verizon Wireless Theater January 13, 2010

For more photos from last night's Girl Talk show, check out our slideshow.

Girl Talk is a DJ that is ostensibly famous for wearing a headband, but is actually famous for his ability to sew together various songs from various genres seamlessly and fruitfully. Typically, our reviews read as a present time play sheet of the concert, with time stamps noting what is happening and when. This, however, does not seem necessary at a Girl Talk show for two reasons:

1. Once he becomes kinetic energy, there is no concept of time, let alone measurement. There is only mayhem around, and there's barely a measurement of that. The entire show is like one long closing number, perpetually frenetic and unyielding.

Keeping track of time here feels akin to keeping track of time in the darkest corner of outer space (which we have not been to, FYI). So, in kind, the time stamps below will not make any sense. They will all begin with an arbitrary "12:28 a.m.," even though the show will actually begin at 9:13 p.m. and end at 10:44 p.m. This concert very well may be the most perfect operational example of existentialism of all time.

2. Also, our phone crapped out and that's where we take notes at a show. Here we go:

12:28 a.m.: The crowd tonight, as expected, is mostly white and mostly young. The thing that seems most pressing at the moment is the attire. Lots of folks here are dressed like they're either about to play in a really ironic game of basketball or are planning on going jogging immediately after the show and are trying to not get hit by a car.

It's unclear as to whether or not they're dressed that way because they actually think it's cool (it's not) or because they're being incongruous (it kind of is, but not in this setting, so that's probably not right.

12:28 a.m.: Lights go off. People go apeshit.


12:28 a.m.: Girl Talk is onstage. Curious to see which two songs he weaves together first. It will be telling of the way the show will play out, we imagine.

12:28 a.m.: Ah, Black Sabbath's "War Pigs" and Ludacris's "Move, Bitch." It will be a good show, it seems.

12:28 a.m: Hey, remember Lil' Jon? That's who's being played right now. It's the song where he screams over and over again, "Don't start no shit, there won't be no shit." That, as grammatically incorrect as it is, is really an airtight piece of advice. Was he a genius?

12:28 a.m.: Strobe lights are going, big inflatable balls full of confetti are being batted around, kids are in convulsion, Girl Talk looks like lightning bolts might shoot from his ears at any moment --this is pretty bananas. After a while, it gets kind of hard not to appreciate what it is he does (and what it is he allows his fans to do).

It's just hard to pick apart a guy that works as hard as he does or a group of people who, obnoxious as they certainly could be, are solely intent on having a good time. It's not traditionally cool what's going on here, but it's traditionally awesome.

12:28 a.m.: Thing that was just said to us by a guy whose smile we enjoy: "There's not enough weed smoke here for you to be covering this show."

12:28 a.m.: There are a couple of really neat moments during the show (the toilet paper guns are never not fun), but the best of those is when the lights on the stage are mostly dark and you're left looking only at Girl Talk's face (there's a light from the underside that shines on him at all times) and the outline of the hundred or so kids on stage going apoplectic. It's like he's a wizard controlling a bunch of dance-crazed zombies or something. Or something.

12:28 a.m.: At some point prior to this show, this conversation had to have taken place:

Girl Talk: Hey, man. I'm designing the mash-up movie that's going to be playing behind me during my show. Name some random things. I'll throw them in here.

Friend: What about a boot?

GT: Got it.

F: Old people with lasers shooting out of their eyes. And hand-held razors. A mouse cursor. And some feet that looked like they've been ripped clean off someone's body. Incandescent light bulbs. And a baby. Oh, and remember the boot? Have the boot stepping on the baby.

GT: Cool. Done.

F: Seriously?

GT: Fuck it.

12:28 a.m.: Not even Girl Talk is above calling DJ Screw's name during a show. Cool, cool. He segues from that hat-tip into a brief Pimp C and Outkast mash-up.

12:28 a.m.: Holy Christ. "Living On A Prayer" played over a bass line is no fucking joke. The room is shaking. We wouldn't be entirely surprised if everyone in here had their heads explode at this very moment.

12:28 a.m.: Oh, hey, a guy wearing a gorilla mask. Cool. You can make your own callback joke regarding the "People go apeshit" line in the first time stamp.

12:28 a.m.: There's a poor woman standing in front of us who appears to be on a date. Good for her, except that her date does not appear to enjoy her company very much. She continues to try to engage him in playful dance, but he just as often turns her down.

It doesn't help that her light-blue blue jeans are about three sizes too big. Have you ever seen a woman try to act flirtatious while adjusting her stonewashed jeans back onto her hip? That shit doesn't translate.

12:28 a.m.: You know, it gets to a certain point when you're just like, "Can he really keep this up?" He never slows down. It's downright substantial. We'd make a reference to Richard Hamilton's endurance, though that might be an obscure reference to people who read about Girl Talk. Perhaps a Martina Navratilova shout out would be more appropriate?

12:28 a.m.: That above timestamp, by the way, is a veiled White People joke. In hindsight, it might not have been that veiled.

12:28 a.m.: He's closing out with Lennon's "Imagine." Confetti is everywhere. People are screaming. It's all very dramatic, really.

12:28: Wait, wait. He just pulled the "The Show Is Supposed To Be Over But You Guys Are So Awesome We Should Do One More Minute" move. That ploy never gets old.

50 Cent, by the way, is the absolute worst at that move. He was at Arena Theater last year and started the 'They're saying I have to get off of the stage" conversation, but then he actually (and immediately) walked off the stage. This is way better. Good showing.

Personal Bias: We've never been a big fan of DJs, though he is certainly a DJ only in a hamfisted categorical type of way.

The Crowd: Was white. Also Duh.

Overheard In the Crowd: "I can't wait for college, dude."

Random Notebook Dump: As people were filing out of the show, the theme music from Jurassic Park was playing. It was a highly enjoyable little aside. Respect for that.

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