Joe Jonas, Jay Sean House of Blues September 26, 2011
The best part of Monday night's Joe Jonas show at House of Blues was looking down at our phone and seeing one of Nancy Grace's nipples. Nah, homegirl wasn't sexting Aftermath, she had a wardrobe malfunction/ratings booster during Dancing With the Stars. The 51-year old wailing banshee was all we had to hold on to during Jay Sean's opening slot.
Hold on, we just got a hold of ourselves. We were at a Joe Jonas show on a Monday evening? Yes, we were. It seemed like a lark, and plus, you never know, there could have been a huge crowd. But there wasn't. The floor directly in front of the stage was full and the balcony seemed inhabited, but as far as HOB shows go, it was easy going.
We could even sit on top of the back bar, with no fuss.
We posited during the show that it actually must be a bitch to venture out solo from a megahit group like Joe has from his family band, the Jonas Brothers, especially in such a rancid music business. Even if you really believe in what you are doing, and it's been vetted by a label, and the Twitter following is there, it doesn't guarantee success, or even a packed house.
Just a few years after the brothers' sold-out RodeoHouston appearance, to boot.
What surprised us about Jonas' set was how un-Jonas it was, and - Jesus - generic too. At least the JoBros had a dumb (OK, we liked it) power-pop thing going on that could translate into a rockier side project.
Joe's solo act, though, was stolen from Justin Timberlake's 2002 playbook. But, aha, that stuff sells infinitely better than any indie-electro turn Jonas could make, and you could start a club campaign to re-introduce him to club DJs. We get that.
Jonas' other opener, Jay Sean (right), is a successful British import and Cash Money label member who is just now getting a footing in the States. His series of club-banging singles made us feel like Brooks from Shawshank Redemption in the worst possible way (it involves a rope and pocket knife).
Music like that makes us itch, with every song about this mythical concept of "tonight," the promise of which holds more luster than any dumbass Heaven they yap about in the Bible. And we haven't been impressed by beatboxing since Rahzel left the Roots. But fuck us for being almost 30 and boring, right?
Jonas' set was a little less than an hour long, and included a Chris Brown cover ("Beautiful People"), and a song purported to be about ex-girlfriend Demi Lovato ("I'm Sorry"), who dove into a bucket of cocaine and booze after Jonas shacked up with someone else on tour, or so we have gathered from reading J-14 magazine.
That may be all wrong, though. Facts get muddled under all the tears. His new LP, Fastlife, is due in just weeks, and this tour is no doubt just a precursor to a bigger opening slot on a larger one.
Aftermath was just shocked at how generic it all was: The stage design, awkward male backing dancers, lone female dancer who almost grabbed Jonas' dick, the lyrical content. Complaining about it all is probably not as weird as us expecting more from this Jonas, who was, in fact, not our favorite JoBro.
Duh, it's Kevin.
Even still, maybe this Jonas can make it. Maybe he can sex up his lyrics like Robin Thicke, whom he completely favors, to catch back on with his JoBros fanbase right as they enter college and start dranking that hard stuff.
The hour we have already spent thinking this over is one hour too long, dancing about architecture and whatnot. Everything will come out fine in the end. Move along.
Personal Bias: Pop music, mothersucker.
The Crowd: Lots of chaperoned young charges, plus a group of older kids screaming "T-Pain!" at Joe's DJ.
Overheard in the Crowd: "Lemme see that Nancy Grace titty again..."
Random Notebook Dump: We missed JoJo's opening set (right), yet her street team photographed us holding one of her promo cards, like a creeper. We remember when she was just a wee thing on MTV, and now she looks like a lil' Lohan. In fact, when Lindsay passes away, we vote for JoJo to play her in the biopic.
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Love Slayer Fastlife Just In Love I'm Sorry When You Look Me In The Eyes Hello Beautiful Burnin' Up All This Time Kleptomaniac Beautiful People (Chris Brown cover) See No More