Let's Celebrate 93.7 The Beat's Geto Boys Concert With an Insane Bushwick Bill Story

Gas up the chainsaw, because some bloody cool Geto Boys stuff popped up this week. Most importantly, news began spreading that the men who put Houston on the hip-hop map would be headlining 93.7 The Beat's "Welcome the Houston" Concert next month at Arena Theater. While 'Face, Bushwick and Willie D alone would be enough to get Rocks Off down 59 South for that one, the show is also set to feature Z-Ro, Paul Wall, Slim Thug and Lil' Keke, so go ahead and pencil it in as the biggest H-Town rap concert of the year.

Not a bad way to introduce yourselves, The Beat. Not only are you getting the Geto Boys together in Houston for the first time since July 4 of last year, giving local hip-hop heads another chance to experience their musical birthright, but you're pairing them up with four more of the city's most beloved stars. If you could now play them on the radio, as well, we'll really have to hand it to you.

As it happens, the Geto Boys happened to already be on our minds, as this was also the week that we were introduced to a recent episode of the podcast The Champs with Neal Brennan + Moshe Kasher that included one of the funniest and most harrowing Bushwick Bill stories to surface in years.

Neal Brennan, as many may recall, was the white guy who co-created Chappelle's Show with Dave Chappelle and was probably as least partly to blame for the show being so fucking funny that Dave now can't go anywhere without people screaming "I'm Rick James, bitch!" at him. Moshe Kasher is a nice Jewish comedian from motherfucking Oakland, so you know he's pretty tough to kill. The pair has their own podcast, and earlier this month, they hosted a guy I've long wished to have a chat with myself: MC Serch from early '90s rap group 3rd Bass.

If you remember 3rd Bass at all, you probably recall that Serch is not a shy man. As the default front-guy for the first racially integrated rap group to break into the mainstream, he was loud and up-front at all times, dancing proudly in a fashion that would be far, far too embarrassing for any white man to attempt in 2014. Since he's gifted with a mouth that never closes, there's a good chance something entertaining is going to fall out of it when MC Serch is around.

This suspicion is confirmed almost out of the box, as MC Serch drops a frightening and bizarre tale of dodging murderous Crips in L.A. after a hit was put out on 3rd Bass by none other than hip-hop icon M.C. Hammer, of all crazy people. Right away, that sounds funnier than it does scary, but apparently the Crips weren't laughing. You've got to hear it to believe it.

Now, Bushwick Bill? What wouldn't you believe about that little dude? Never known for particularly stable behavior, Bill tossed local fans his most recent curveball last year at Free Press Summer Festival, where he showed up too late to perform with the Geto Boys during their much-heralded set. Rumors flew regarding his absence, but longtime Geto children began acclimating to Bushwick's unpredictability 'round about the time he drunkenly demanded that his girlfriend shoot him in the eye back in '91.

So, while Serch's story would've been unbelievable had it been about anybody else, it's not so much of a stretch to take it as gospel that Bushwick Bill brought MC Serch to a house filled with bricks of cocaine, took him out dancing with his pregnant baby mama, hit his own brother in the head with a brick of the non-cocaine variety and sold him out to the cops before having a gun stuck in his face by a limousine driver.

Just listen to the podcast, because it's all weirder than it reads. Trust us.

Serch says he never hung out with Bushwick Bill again after that night. Whether it was by choice or because he wasn't famous enough anymore, he didn't say. All that really matters is that it was the best Bushwick Bill story we've heard in years, and that M.C. Hammer will hire Crips to murder you if you diss his mother. Stay away from that guy.

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