Liam Gallagher is a literary genius.
Yes, I said it. And I won't take it back.
But wait. Don't start typing out your "Beady Eye sucks and their album tanked" rant just yet. I can explain.
I say this based not on Liam's musical prowess but on his inane ability to drop pearls of bitchy wisdom aimed at the likes of everyone from UK football star Wayne Rooney to the Scissor Sisters, while managing to keep the press interested in his work with a band that has thus far, well, sucked.
His liquid-gold rants are any reporter's wet dream, and have managed to create a cult following for the former Oasis front man that has extended well past his musical glory days.
If Liam Gallagher could write lyrics like he slings out bitchy potshots, Beady Eye would be a huge commercial success. But he doesn't, and it's not.
Chances are, unless Liam Gallagher writes the next Beady Eye album as a compilation of his more famous quotes, it will probably tank too. He doesn't seem to have the right equation down for hammering out a strong album without brother Noel.
What he does have the right equation for, however, is killing it with gratuitously dirty profanity-laced rants, which will keep his crappy band in the press for as long as it continues making albums.
With Beady Eye set to release its sophomore album this year, Liam's rants have already hit the press. In honor of what's to come, let's take a look back at his ten most glorious quotes to date.
10. "Every time I look in the mirror, God looks back."
9. "Being a lad is what I'm about. I can tell you who isn't a lad -- anyone from Blur."
8. "If I ever win any more fucking awards I'd personally invite him to get up and take my award off me. I fucking tell you that...That was rude when he did that to that girl, that Taylor Swift. So yeah, give me an award and see where it goes. It will roll out of his fucking arse."
7. "Bright colors and fucking weirdos on stilts? I'm more entertaining than that shit."
6. "They're jealous and senile, and not getting enough fucking meat pies."
5. "People think I'm just a fucking lunatic, but Noel can be a little bitch too."
4. "I'd freak him out by looking at him, stare him out. But I don't know. I'd probably bum him."
3. "It's important? Not in my world it isn't, fuckin' rubbish. Me grandma could do that, I do it in my sleep. No soul to it."
2. "He reminds me of fucking Right Said Fred. You put on 'I'm too Sexy for My Fucking Thing' next to their records and I bet you any money it's the same person. It's the same fucking person! He's just gone on the Atkins diet and grown his hair!"
And my own personal favorite...
1. "Chris Martin looks like a geography teacher."
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
Sheer. Wordy. Genius.