Congratulations to Houston’s own Brian and Michele Long and their two daughters, who today were announced as the winners of Home Depot’s 2007 Holiday Gift Card Contest. Contestants were asked to shoot a homemade video explaining why they deserved a $25,000 gift card and upload it to YouTube. The Longs chose to entreat the Atlanta-based home-repair megamerchant in the form of a rap, and Brian Drops lyrical bombs like “Hammers and nails and all types of wood, Home Depot gets your home looking really, really good” and “We need new insulation for the cooling and the heating, our electric bill is really taking a beating,” and tosses off hilarious asides like “Sounds like somebody’s all up in our attic.” Sounds like Scarface, Chamillionaire and Bun B have some company.

The chorus is even better, as the Long ladies shout “Home Depot!” and Brian, a pastor by trade, helpfully replies, “It’s orange and not yellow.” He explains how Home Depot helped him build a handsome deck in his backyard, and runs down the litany of things the family needs to fix should Home Depot bestow the 25K upon them: a 17-year-old water heater, broken attic door (“I mean, look at that”) faulty wiring, gap in their backyard fence and broken ceiling fan (“It’s hot in Houston, need that fan working”). Finally, gesturing to some unsightly growth on the Long homestead’s exterior, Brian seals the deal with the following pearl: “I’d like a new power washer, this mold is gross, it makes you scream and holler.”

The Longs’ clip ends, as every decent rap video should, with one of the daughters (who are both adorable) shouting out that sweet, sweet cheddar, and the comments section beneath the video is peppered with hater-spawned snipes like “Stupid video! Rap sucks!” Swisha House should come calling any day now. Enjoy. – Chris Gray