Lone Star Scorecard #5

Lone Star Scorecard #5 - "Stoned," "Songs About Texas," and "Dallas"

Everything's bigger in Texas. It's a saying that holds true whether you're talking about our hats, our freeways, or the number of songs written to satisfy our sense of self-importance. Now, there's nothing wrong with having thousands of songs gushing praise over you like Spindletop, just make sure you get the details right. Because as we'll see below, that doesn't always happen.

"Stoned" -- The Old 97s

We're big fans of the Old 97s, especially the old stuff. That said, this cut off their first album brings up a seemingly obvious question: if you're hitchhiking to Rhome solely for the purpose of catching a Greyhound to Frederickburg (presumably because there's no bus terminal in your present location), wouldn't it be easier to find someone driving to Fredericksburg and hitch a ride with them?

"Songs About Texas" -- Pat Green

Green's laundry list of Lone Star cliches isn't inaccurate, per se, but the tired shout-outs to "San Antone," Jerry Jeff Walker, and "hill country rain" sound like what you'd get if someone created a country-western songwriting computer program for the Commodore 64 and used the word "Texas" as the only operational parameter. The video gets extra points for the great call and response: "I was playing golf." "WOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Dallas" -- Steely Dan

Released as their first single, and available only in that form or on a 4-song EP, the cut isn't recognizable to most as Steely Dan, since it features Jim Hodder on vocals. And then there's this line:

A hot city and an empty park Can make a man think on

Sorry guys, but nobody's doing any thinking in an empty park in the middle of a Texas city in the summer, unless the next line is "How to find some goddamn air conditioning."

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