This week's RodeoHouston lineup announcement officially kicked off 2013 for Houston's party people and rodeo fans. The lineup is dependable as always, with your standard country acts, classic-rockers, kiddie-pop acts, R&B, and norteño offerings making up the month of music.
Sadly, once again this wasn't Slayer or Skrillex's year. There is always 2014. Or 2034. Also, I wanna know why Reba isn't coming out this year.
In anticipation of the upcoming RodeoHouston season, I asked fans of each performer what they will wearing, drinking, and doing after each rodeo performance. Trust me, these imaginary people know how to party. Taco Cabana brawls, puking in the shower, stalking exes... it's gonna be a fun March for the Houston food-service and law-enforcement industries.
MONDAY, FEBRUARY 25: TOBY KEITH Drink of Choice: A light beer of some sort inside a smuggled-in red Solo cup, natch. Wardrobe: Nut-hugging jeans and a Houston Texans polo. Afterparty: "Fallen asleep in the somewhere on 288 South with a bag of Jack In The Box tacos in your lap. Yeah it's a Monday night, you gotta problem? I gotta job."
WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 27: ALAN JACKSON Drink of Choice: "It's a school night, so no boozing for me. I mean, I will have a beer with my brisket and alligator bites and funnel cake and corn dog, but I am not about raise hell on a Wednesday. Missing church as it is anyhow." Wardrobe: "Whatever the wife laid out for me after work before the show." Afterparty: "Leftovers from Kelley's Country Cookin'. Man, microwaved chicken-fried steak. It's a like party in my mouth and Ted Nugent is playing a guitar solo on my kitchen table."
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 28: ZAC BROWN BAND Drink of Choice: "Crown from a flask stowed away in my boot. what else is there? I had to toss my roadie out when we got in the gate." Wardrobe: Lucky jeans, maroon knit-cap, $600 boots, thrift store pearl snap shirt (guys); Seven jeans, Cody Canada shirt, $600 boots, cowboy hat from the mall (girls). Afterparty: "Man, Thursdays are just little Fridays to me, so after the show we're heading to Upper Kirby and shutting the bars down. Maybe getting into a fight at Taco Cabana."
SUNDAY, MARCH 3: DEMI LOVATO/AUSTIN MAHONE Drink of Choice: "Booze is for losers. I stole some painkillers from my big brother before the show." Wardrobe: "I took 35 bucks to Forever 21 and made magic happen. LOL." Afterparty: "Gonna be on Facebook and Tumblr until I fall asleep."
MONDAY, MARCH 4: STYX Drink of Choice: "One of those yard-size margaritas. It's time to be bad." Wardrobe: "The shirt I bought at the last Styx show I went to, this past summer. I WILL be THAT person. And besides, if Tommy Shaw picks me out of the crowd, I wanna show him I'm a true fan." Afterparty: "Gotta run into Walmart and pick up some things, if you wanna call that a party."
TUESDAY, MARCH 5: LADY ANTEBELLUM Drink of Choice: "Miller Lite. My ex-boyfriend loved Miller Lite." Wardrobe: "I hope my ex-boyfriend is here tonight, so I am wearing this low-cut sparkly sweater deal which makes my tits like massive in case I see him in the wine tent." Afterparty: "It's Tuesday, and my ex-boyfriend usually has to work early on Wednesdays so I am not going to his favorite bar to accidentally run into him since he won't be there."
THURSDAY, MARCH 7: BRUNO MARS Drink of Choice: "A bottle of water. Which I will recycle when I get home." Wardrobe: "I took 35 bucks to Urban Outfitters and made magic happen. LOL." Afterparty: "Having a big Bruno Mars karaoke sesh at the nearest Taco Bell drive-thru. You?"
FRIDAY, MARCH 8: TIM MCGRAW Drink of Choice: "Whatever makes my wife wanna have sex with me when we get home." Wardrobe: "A Pat Green shirt I have sitting my back seat." Afterparty: "Listening to my wife puke in the shower at home while I see what's on the DVR."
THURSDAY, MARCH 14: PITBULL Drink of Choice: "Bud Light, duh." Wardrobe: "Why you asking me what I'm wearing, bro? You gay?" Afterparty: "I don't wanna put any boundaries on the evening ahead of me, but it will involve a gunfight at a sports bar in the north side, some news cameras on the scene, and a reward for any information regarding my whereabouts."
FRIDAY, MARCH 15: BLAKE SHELTON Drink of Choice: "Whatever was left inside the flask I smuggled into the venue inside my boot and didn't drink on the ferris wheel while the kids were getting cotton candy." Wardrobe: "These nuts. (points to crotch) Sorry, jeans and shit. I don't know." Afterparty: "Something with "Big" and "Texas" in the name, until 2 a.m. or whenever the cab comes."
SUNDAY, MARCH 17: GEORGE STRAIT Drink of Choice: "Not drinking anything because I am afraid that if I have to piss that I will miss my chance to meet George." Wardrobe: "Probably shorts, just in case I get to show George the tattoo I got on my calf dedicated to him." Afterparty: "Doing shots of Wild Turkey at Dirt Bar with George Strait."
Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.