In the late '70s, there was a movie spoof on Friday the 13th called Saturday the 14th. It was about as dumb as you imagine it would be. Well, insert punchline here because Black Friday is over, but we are still smack dab in the middle of Cyber Monday, where instead of being stampeded by rampaging shoppers hell bent on getting a cheap flat screen, you might instead get your email hacked by a nerd hell bent on getting a cheap flat screen.
Musicians over the years have often railed against the excess of modern capitalism. Others have made it rain and reveled in the opportunity money has given them. Either way, people love to talk about stuff they buy...and sing about it too. So, here is some music to rock your Cyber Monday.
Radiohead - Ok Computer
When you realize you lost out on that $200 laptop by 2 minutes, you might want to curse the world and roll around on the floor like you just lost at Call of Duty. We suggest you mellow out to the killer sounds of Radiohead. Forget that computer, ok?
"Kodachrome" - Paul Simon
Simon was particularly good at describing the restlessness of a generation in flux. Whether he used Joe DiMaggio or color film photography, he knew how to sling around a metaphor. Film cameras may have been replaced by digital point and shoot replicas (on sale now!), but the feeling is basically the same.
"57 Channels (And Nothin' On)" - Bruce Springsteen
Speaking of TV, the Boss once railed against the inadequacies of television for conveying a powerful message. Either that, or he was just pissed they hadn't invented the DIY network yet. Whatever the case, if you buy a TV today, you can find out for yourself.
"Coin Operated Boy" - The Dresden Dolls
Sure, vibrators are not your traditional Cyber Monday purchase, but you can buy them, with a discount! Get to clicking, ladies.
"Telephone" - Lady Gaga ft. Beyonce
There are all sorts of deals on cell phones this year, but if you listen to Gaga, you won't buy one because you'll be dan-cing, yes, you'll be dan-cing.
"Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend" - Marilyn Monroe / "Diamonds Are Forever" -
If you're thinking about popping the question over the holidays, these might be the right songs to get you in the mood. Of course, you might want to re-think the whole buy her an engagement ring on Cyber Monday plan, Romeo. Do it right and get the little blue box from Tiffany's. And, hey, despite what the stupid, relentless TV ads tell you, nobody gives a shit if you went to Jared.
Dire Straits - "Money for Nothing"
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Written at a time when artists were schilling for any major corporation who would lay the cash on the table, it seems remarkably relevant today... except for that MTV part. What is MTV again?
Theme to Sanford and Son - Quincy Jones
As our resident music historian John Nova Lomax said when he suggested it, "It's about junk." End of story.