In the Internet age, you become a sucker for things that happen instantly. There's no way around it. Everything that garners a reaction, whether positive or negative, will become meme'd and turned into a .gif. I'm pretty sure the more awkward moments of my life will be displayed in some pixelated form by my kids or whomever in 2032. When you become addicted, you're stuck until the next thing comes along.
That being said, all week I've been glued to Miguel's guillotine leg drop on a poor fan this past Sunday night at the Billboard Music Awards like the Zapuder film in JFK. I'm discovering new wrinkles, judging launch points and quoting "back, and to the left" like a madman.
It will rank as one of those weird moments where social media and live television made sweet beautiful love to one another, and I will forever raise questions and other thoughts about it, such as the following:
- Why, at all of 5'3", did Miguel think it made perfect sense to leap over a gap longer than him?
- Why was he wearing those ridiculous Prince-like heels that made one of my female friends think about buying a pair and labeling them "Adorn Boots"?
- With all the attention focused on the chick who got leg dropped, nobody cared about the girl who got Liu Kang Crane Kicked in the head. It's like she got kicked and died a thousand deaths like losing your life in Pac-Man.
- HE LITERALLY KICKED HER HEAD INTO THE STAGE!
- IT MADE HULK HOGAN, ARGUABLY THE MOST FAMOUS WRESTLER IN HISTORY TELL MIGUEL HE DID IT RIGHT. LOOK.
So fine, Miguel's near murder-death-Rey Mysterio/Eddie Guerrero/Mil Mascaras-ing of that poor woman immediately leapt into the discussion for worst stage-dive or jump ever attempted, but here are the ones challenging him for his crown.
Method Man Lord knows I hear the Wu-Tang Clan. They're my favorite set of rapping cousins who loved kung-fu movies and dropped knowledge of the Five Percenters. They also have rock-like tendencies and what are thought to be the most loyal fans in hip-hop. Well, unless you're Method Man here, where it looks like you fell into a crater.
Billy Danger Now THIS is more of the Miguel variety, at least in the luchador division. Billy Danger of Hillsong is in Brazil, well Rio De Janiero to be specific, and you want to know what happens to people who leap from an elevated stage into a sea of humanity with the death-from-aboveness of a Chris Benoit headbutt? This happens. I still don't think he's emerged from that pit.
Freshman 15 Unlike the previous two, nobody got hurt getting jumped on. However, everybody who was in that room got hurt by how bizarre this is. Freshman 15 sounds like a bad mix of Fall Out Boy during their From Under The Cork Tree days, and one of their band members sees his dad leap off the stage in the weakest stage-dive in recorded history. Things like this exist on YouTube to show you what not to do as an up-and-coming band.
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Tyler, the Creator There's a dive here, but what happens afterward should be a lesson to any fan who decides to throw things at an Odd Future show. Mind you, this was at Fun Fun Fun Fest back in 2011 and I think Tyler has calmed down a bit since then. After all, he was at Scoremore's Jambalaya festival tonight so there's that. Plus, he literally enjoys being rap's crown prince of anarchist punk rap.