If you have hair, Craig's Hlist hates you. Not in a "you shot my whole family" or "you are the serial killer who dissolved my sibling in a vat of acid" way, more in a "you got the last sausage and cheese kolaches at the office" way.
Our hair loss began sometime in high school, when we were still spiking it out all punk-like and noticed that the front was thinner than the rest. This would have been in 2000. Two years later our Grandfather Gonzalez slipped us a check to buy some Rogaine for our 19th birthday. He might as well have shot Craig's Hlist in the nuts.
By the grace of God, the hair made a comeback in 2004, but we soon cut it all off when the summer hit. It hasn't come back since. Even the Rogaine a girlfriend bought us was all for naught; it ended up in the back of a bathroom cabinet with bottles of unneeded shampoo and combs.
We now contend with a receding sea of hairline, not unlike the tide leaving a beach, never to return. Our forehead is bigger than it should be, and we shine in the sun. When we see guys who are also balding we feel a sense of comaraderie. Sadly we grew a beard to distract from it, but Lord knows that doesn't help. We are now growing it out in direct defiance of God himself. Horseshoe City, baby.
Rock stars never have this problem, unless they are Bret Michaels, who just throws a bandanna over it and swims in groupie juice. Then there's the dude from Midnight Oil, who just managed to look scary bald like a ecologically-militant superhero.
In just a few hours, Billy Idol hits the House Of Blues for a sold-out show. Idol has one of the most revered heads of hair, the bleached-blonde spiked job that has become synonymous with the New Wave pop-punker. Well, that and his sneer.
Here is a list of our favorite rock star coifs. Sadly most of these hairdos are now extinct. Hair today, gone tomorrow, or at least after your second album tanks and you can't afford a 24-hour stylist anymore.
Miley's daddy Billy Ray made the country mullet go mainstream in 1991, forever linking him to the disputed hairstyle. Now he has this weird tranny-looking thing that he has now.
Even to this day, Debbie Harry sports a sweet blonde bob. Now it sometimes has black or gray streaks in it, but she's instantly recognizable.
No list would be proper without a mention of Mike Score's, you know, that thing on his head. You can't even really describe it, and now it's just called the "Flock Of Seagulls" haircut. But the whole band had messed-up hair that is overlooked. Just look at them.
When Glenn Danzig was in the band, the devil lock was fuller and thicker, not like the homogenized spiky crap that the band has now. Today's devil lock is like the McDonald's of devil locks.
The Smashing Pumpkins' Billy Corgan wasn't even balding when he started shaving his head in 1995 around the release of that year's Mellon Collie & The Infinite Sadness. It was probably for the best because his short pixie-cut do didn't fit him.
The last time anyone had seen bald chicks before Sinead O'Connor was when the female members of the Manson family shaved their heads for whatever reason in the late '60s to support daddy Charlie. Ripping up the picture of the Pope didn't do wonders for the image of bald women.
Coolio had a sort of punk-rap hairdo going on, borrowing from gutter-punks, during the mid-'90s. Weird "Al" Yankovic sent up the style for his album Bad Hair Day.
It's those red pigtails, man.
Their original mop-tops set the course for every men's hairstyle in the '60s and created a boon for wig sales in the wake of Beatlemania.
Like Idol, all you have to see is a black pompadour and a pair of lambchop sideburns to anyone and they will scream "Elvis".
Of all of Bowie's styles, the orange mullet is the one that sticks out, even ahead of the slicked Thin White Duke 'do in the late '70s. Bowie himself had a sort of Seagulls thing going on around the Let's Dance period too.
We were all ready to go off on Tokio Hotel frontman Bill Kaulitz for his scene-hair, but it looks like this year started doing a Adam Glambert pomp job. The scene-girl hair he sported up until last year still haunts us.
Remember Boy George's dreads? We bet he wishes he had them now, seeing that the only thing on his head is a tattooed Star Of David.
When Winehouse hit the airwaves in 2007, it only took a few months for her huge, brunette hairstyle to become iconic. For Halloween that year it seemed like every other girl was Winehouse. Sixth Street in Austin was awash in black beehives, and we were in heaven.
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No other hairdo enthralls white people more than an afro. They will touch it and write songs about them. Reid's tall fade in the '90s deserved to be in the Smithsonian.
Richards' hair for the past 50 years has been rock and roll. The black spiky thatch is still strived for to this day, from everyone from Joe Perry to the kids working at Hot Topic. It will live on, just like Richards.