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Musicians: Five Reasons Your Girlfriend Hates You

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1. AFTER YOU PLAY, YOU GET SLUTTY... AND YOU SMELL

"Don't get drunk at your show to 'be a better performer' and then try to come on to me. Yes, we're dating, but that doesn't give you an excuse to be an ass to me at your show."

"I have to smell his stank ass all the way home after a gig. When he tries to kiss me, I get his gnarly beard sweat all over my face. Then I have to smell it because its all over me."

"He's always sweaty and smelly after he plays and he refuses to take a shower. I don't want to fuck you when you're gross like that."

"He liked his booze and may or may not have wet the bed, with me in it, on several occasions."

2. YOUR BANDMATES SUCK

"There is always one member that is a total douche bag. He is the shit, the best, and you better listen to him, cuz if you don't - be ready for threats of being kicked out of the band or replaced. He is always right, does not want your opinion, and is usually not that great of a musician, but he doesn't know that."

"If something happens between the couple (girl and guy in band), the band is out for you. They talk shit, or just all-out ignore you - even if you still dropped $20 to get into some shitty dive club to see them play. Apparently a fight with the BF in the band is a fight with the whole band."

"Just because I am dating you does not mean I should be friends with all the other girlfriends of the guys in the band. Plus, most of us hate each other from fighting over dudes in better bands than yours."

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Craig Hlavaty
Contact: Craig Hlavaty