Ask Willie D 9/3/2015

MY GIRL WON’T HAVE SEX WITH ME WITH THE LIGHTS ON

Dear Willie D:

There’s only one way to have sex with my girl, and that’s with the lights off. We have never taken a shower together, and I’ve never seen her completely naked in the light. She also covers herself from the waist down whenever we visit the pool at her apartment building.

I don’t know why she is so self-conscious about her body. From what I can see, she looks great. I’m starting to wonder, what she is hiding. What do you think about my situation?

Starting to Wonder:

Some women are self-conscious about their bodies, and are more relaxed with the lights off. They may want the lights off because they don’t want to think about sucking in their bellies during intercourse. They could be trying to hide a scar or a tan line. It could be that they don’t want you to see their facial expressions when they’re being pleasured.

Then there are women who prefer the lights off because it’s more romantic to them. Although I find it unbelievable, some women are ashamed of what their vagina looks like. These are all reasons that can be negotiated. However, there could be a more pressing reason why your girl doesn’t want you to see what she looks like naked: She could have an STD such as herpes in her genital area, or she could be a he.

I enjoy giving a woman what she wants in bed. If she wants to make love with the lights off, I’ll make the room so dark that we’ll need glow paint to know where to touch. But first I gotta see it.

SHOULD MY DAD OR STEPDAD WALK ME DOWN THE AISLE?

Dear Willie D:

I’m getting married in Hawaii in November, and I’m trying to figure out who will walk me down the aisle, my dad or my stepdad. I have an average relationship with my dad, but my stepdad raised me and has always been supportive, so I’m leaning toward him. But choosing him will make my dad angry, and choosing my dad will make my stepdad upset.

So which one should I let walk me?

Which Dad:

You seem to be the type of person who wants to please everybody. So if it’ll put you at ease on your big day, do the politically correct thing and have both of them walk you down the aisle. Or have one walk you halfway and the other walk the rest of the way.

But I’m not one for political correctness. If your relationship with your biological dad was solid, I would say have him walk you down the aisle. But it’s not solid, it’s average. Your stepdad has always been there and supported you. I say go with stepdad. He’s earned it.

I DON’T THINK MY CHILD IS REALLY MINE

Dear Willie D:

I have been in my son’s life since he was born. I cut the umbilical cord. I was there for his christening. I took him for his first haircut when he was three. I was there on the first day of school. I coached his little-league baseball team. I did everything. I’m 6 feet 3 inches tall, and my son is only 5’9”.

That would be fine if he was still in sixth grade, but he is a junior in high school and hasn’t grown an inch in over a year. This has caused me a great amount of concern since all the men in my family are over 6 feet tall.

Also, my mother told me she didn’t think he was mine because he doesn’t look like anybody on our side of the family, and his hair is curly, while my and his mom’s hair is straight. I have had my suspicions but have stayed quiet. I’m anxious to express my feelings to my wife and get a DNA test, but I don’t want to offend her. What’s the best way to handle this?

Growing Suspicions:

If you had told your wife you wanted a paternity test well before she conceived, you would’ve been in a better position. But asking for a DNA test on a child in high school is going to create all sorts of problems in your marriage, the least being your wife thinking that you don’t trust her.

There’s no way to tell your wife you want a paternity test without pissing her off. You either trust her or get the test done. End of story.

I THINK I MAY HAVE HIT SOMEONE WHILE DRIVING

Dear Willie D:

A few days ago, I was out drinking with some friends, and hit something on my way home. I had no memory of the incident until I looked at my car the next morning. One of the headlights was smashed in. That’s when the vision of me hitting a guy on the side of the street came to focus.

I have tried to clear my conscience, but I keep thinking, what if I really hit somebody? And if I did, is that person dead or alive? I want to search the Internet for hit-and-runs in my area, but I’m afraid of what I might find. At the same time, I’m haunted by the possibility that I may have taken another human being’s life.

You’re a wise man: even though I’m a female, I have used a lot of your advice from your songs with the Geto Boys and as a solo artist to better myself. I trust your insight, so whatever you tell me to do, that’s what I’ll do.

Smashed Driver:

It’s also possible that you may have hit someone and that person is still alive on the side of the road holding on for dear life in need of urgent medical care. That would be enough to make me want to go back and check. Whenever I’m faced with tough life decisions, I do whatever makes me sleep good. Find out what happened and deal with the consequences, if there are any. It doesn’t sound like you’re sleeping good.

Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.