Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
HELP ME CHOOSE BETWEEN MY BOYFRIEND AND THE GUY I'M HAVING SEX WITH
Dear Willie D:
I'm a 40-year old professional caught up between two lovers. One I've been dating since 2011, and the other I've been "messing around with" for about 9 months. The first relationship is not as solid as it should be because he is gone a lot on the road, and we haven't had a chance to really connect. The second guy is somebody I've known since I was a kid.
We reconnected and began to spend a lot of time with one another, and we eventually had sex, not just regular sex, but passionate erotic sex that is mind blowing. I care about the first guy because he is so nice and stable. The second guy recently divorced and lost a lot of money, and also he has a felony for a codeine possession and he is rebuilding his life financially.
My dilemma is that I'm torn between what I want and what is best for me. The second guy knows about the first guy because when we first talked I told him that I was dating, and the relationship is not solid. I confessed to the first guy about the second guy. I like the stability of the first guy but I'm not in love with him. I like the time I spend and the sex I have with the second guy but he has a lot of baggage that is stressful. I care for both men, and I don't know what to do. Please help!
Messing Around:
Choosing between the one you need and the one you want can be difficult and easier said than done. Usually I would suggest that if you love two people simultaneously; dump the first one and go with the second one because if you loved the first one there wouldn't be a second one.
But, I don't think you'll be happy with either of them. One stresses you out and is financially unstable, while the other you no longer love. It may be time for you to consider stepping away from relationships for a few months to reconnect with yourself. The time off will repair your heart, and allow you to focus on what you want and need in a singular relationship.
Before you can begin a healthy relationship, you must first end any unhealthy ones.
MY GIRLFRIEND WON'T HAVE SEX WITH ME
Dear Willie D:
I have been dating my girlfriend for six years, and we are both in love. We have not had any issues and have been very happy. She works in the airlines industry and is constantly traveling. In the past six to 12 months, she has not wanted to have sex or even engage in foreplay. I don't want to think she is cheating while she is away for work.
Still I am close to popping the question although I am beginning to second-guess our status. I know that both partners in a relationship get comfortable as the relationship blossoms, but we are both 30 years old, and I find it hard to believe that feeling has left. Do women simply just give up on the urge for sex? Thank you for your advice and time to help another guy out.
Second Guessing:
Six to 12 months is a long time to go without having sex with your significant other; especially when you're in your sexual prime as you are. You said you don't have any issues, but I disagree. Lack of sexual interest in a relationship often indicates deeper issues such as depression, stress, health problems or cheating. Rather than speculating, talk to your girlfriend and address your concerns.
As a relationship ages, the libido for each partner usually suffers to some extent because couples tend to get too comfortable and start taking each other for granted. If you want to get your girlfriend back interested in you sexually, first she needs to be interested in you romantically. Take her out; buy her something nice; compliment her; support her goals; be a good listener; and make her feel special.
Then when you finally make love to her again, put some icing on that cake and blow out the candle.
More Ask Willie D on the next page.
