ROOM FOR TWO?
Dear Willie D:
I’m meeting an old friend while attending a conference in Chicago next month. Both of us are flying in from different states, and we’re both in relationships. To save money, he suggested that we get one room.
I’m hesitant because I know if we stay in the same room, something sexual will happen. At the same time, doubling up could save both of us money. If I put some rules in play prior to getting a room with my old friend, from a “grown man” standpoint, what’s the likelihood of him respecting the boundaries?
From a grown man standpoint, if I booked a hotel room with a woman I was attracted to, the only boundaries I would respect is closing the curtains — maybe.
MY 12-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER WANTS TO WEAR MAKEUP. HELP!
I have a 12-year-old daughter who wants to wear makeup, but I won’t let her because I think young girls should experience the process of development, not try to grow up too fast. Depending on the occasion I will allow her to wear it. For instance, if she has a special program at school, or a function to attend. She is now in seventh grade, and she wants to wear makeup every day.
Every few days in the mornings she comes out her room in full makeup (concealer, foundation, mascara, eye shadow, lipstick, and blush). Sometimes I make her take it off, and sometimes I just go with it because I don’t have time to argue with her when I’m trying to drive her to school, and get to work on time.
She has said she has to wear it to cover her pimples, and it gives her confidence. I told her she has to wait until she’s in high school, but she gets angry and shuts down. This issue is a constant source of contention with her. How should I deal with this?
Tell your daughter that getting pimples is a part of growing up. Let her know the long-term negative effects wearing makeup at such a young age will have on her skin, and teach her a good skin-cleaning regime for when she breaks out. This will help her maintain beautiful and healthy skin well into her adult years.
I like that you tried to compromise with your daughter, but your follow-through is weak. Whatever you decide, you need to be firm. If she breaks the rules, there need to be consistent consequences.
This whole vain movement going on with our young girls is heartbreaking. But maybe if young girls weren’t being brainwashed by society to have low self-esteem for not looking like the models and celebrities they see in the magazines and on TV, they wouldn’t feel compelled to grow up so fast and wearing makeup wouldn’t be an issue.
WHO SHOULD PAY FOR CAR REPAIRS?
Dear Willie D:
I totaled my car and didn’t have insurance, so I couldn’t get it fixed. Since my next-door neighbor had two cars and was only using one, I asked him if I could rent his car for a while, which he agreed. I never specified how long. I paid the notes, and drove the car for eight months problem-free before the transmission went completely out while I was on my way to work.
I called my neighbor and explained what happened, so he sent a AAA wrecker to tow the car to a mechanic shop. No problem. He called me later to say the cost to rebuild the transmission would be $3,600, and he expected me to pay for it. Shocked, I told him I wasn’t paying to replace a transmission in a car I didn’t own.
He became belligerent and threatened to sue me. He rents me a used car with a bum transmission, and expects me to pay for repairs. Have you ever heard of such a thing? Does he have a case?
Actually I have heard of such a thing; it happens all the time. As long as you operated the car within the scope of whatever your agreement was, then it’s your neighbor’s responsibility to pay for repairs. However, if you used improper fluids, or drag-raced from light to light and the transmission went out, you will be responsible.
But hey, this is America. When you walk into a courtroom, anything can happen.
MY FRIENDS JOKE ABOUT MY MAN’S UNEMPLOYMENT
Dear Willie D:
My husband has been unemployed for going on three months. Although he works in a specialized industry that requires a specific skill set, things are slow at the moment. Instead of being supportive, my friends have used the opportunity to kick him while he’s down. Every time we’re out together they laugh and make jokes about his lack of income, and the change in our lifestyle.
I have tried to be nice about telling them to stop being negative, but my protests are falling on deaf ears. The worst part is when they tease him about being broke to his face. I feel bad for him because he is a good guy. I don’t want to lose my friends, but how do I get them to knock it off once and for all?
What do you mean you’ve tried to be nice? Kill that noise! Your friends don’t care about being nice to your husband. Your husband is a reflection of you, and represents you. So when they badmouth him, best believe they’re talking about you, too. You can’t just swallow your friends’ insults and allow them to kick your husband around for their entertainment. That’s having a hand in the abuse.
You and your husband seem to be easygoing, nonconfrontational folks, and that’s okay. But when you accept being treated like a doormat it’s a problem. Unless you like the pain, tell your friends to stop insulting your husband. Be firm, direct, and demand respect. If they can’t comply, find some new friends. With over 7 billion people in the world, it’s not that hard.
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.