Dear Willie D:
I'm a 23-year-old female and I hate the way I look. My nose is so huge that no matter where I go, when I'm out I feel self-conscious that people are staring at me because of it. The only thing I worry about is that some people who have had the surgery complain of breathing issues while lying down sleeping or trying to sleep.
I don't want to create a problem while trying to get rid of one. What do you think I should do?
Nose Job:
You have to decide what's more important to you: getting a new nose, or breathing well. I don't know what your nose looks like, but if I had a regular imperfect nose like most people (which I do), I wouldn't risk it. But if my nose was jacked up to the point where every time someone described me they said, "the dude with the nose," I would probably take my chances.
It's your nose, so you can do whatever you want with it. But be careful with cosmetic surgery; it's addictive. Most of the people who I know that started with trying to perfect one thing became compulsive and kept finding something wrong with their appearance. Now they need surgery to correct the surgery.
On a personal note, I like my nose. It really nose how to boogie.
DOES THIS CONSTITUTE RAPE?
Dear Willie D:
I'm not sure if I was raped or not. Two weeks ago I was at a frat party with some friends from college drinking. The next thing I know I'm lying on the bed in a room with my clothes off, and one of the guys who was in the group of friends I met at the party was standing over me putting his pants on. The day that everything happened was my first time meeting the guy.
Although I recall him being friendly and attractive, nothing about my character would have allowed me to have sex with someone I didn't know. I feel as though I was violated, but at the same time I blame myself for losing control of my faculties by getting drunk. I want to confront the guy, but I don't have his phone number. I can't remember consenting to sex with him. Was this rape?
Can't Remember:
The law says: rape is a type of sexual assault initiated by one or more persons against another person without that person's consent. The act may be carried out by physical force, or where the person is under threat or manipulation, or with a person who is incapable of valid consent. If you were drunk, I would say you were incapable of valid consent. But that's where the line gets blurred.
Millions of women consent to sex while intoxicated every day; oftentimes with their boyfriends and husbands. Were they raped? Of course your situation is unique because you didn't know the guy, and you can't remember anything. Saying that you can't remember giving consent implies that you can't remember not giving consent. Ask your friends what happened and get his name from them. Find him and confront him.
Maybe he'll say something to jar your memory that confirms your suspicions, or that supports consent. I hate that so many young women continue to drink themselves into vulnerable positions, but what I hate even more is the sickos who prey on them. I don't care if a female passes out drunk and naked with her legs wide open lying on a bed of rose petals in an empty room; no man, woman, or child has the right to sexually assault her. Intoxication is not an excuse for rape.
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