Need Some Advice? Ask The Essential John Anderson

Dear The Essential John Anderson,

Should you ask a girl out if she likes you but you are not sure if you like her? This chick is hot I guess, but her husband just died and she seemed to be kind of a prude for an older broad. I met her at the old folks' home that I work at, the day I smothered...I mean when her husband peacefully passed into God's lovely walls of soulful salvation. I didn't kill her husband, I swear.

- BedPanDude91

Dear BPD91,

Here's a glass of Chablis, some quarters and change. Maybe you can turn her love life around. Then she won't need the salt or the lime anymore, to shoot that old memory down. Just remember her heart's on the mend, if you ever come back to see her again. Don't ask her on a straight tequila night. She'll start thinkin' about him, and then she's ready to fight. Blames her broken heart on every man in sight, on a straight tequila night.

Dear The Essential John Anderson,

My girlfriend and I have been active for about 6 months now; recently I have been having a problem with ejaculating because she gets so wet after a few minutes that I can hardly feel her. Were both young, she's 20 and I'm 19 and I was her first. It's not a matter of her being loose because she still barely fits me inside. Any helpful insights? Sadly, it's the same story with or without a condom.

- Not Booming In Beaumont

Dear NBIB,

First date, first kiss well I never will forget the way you looked that night. Parked out, 'cross town, watching' the stars fall down. Girl your hair was soft and brown and just before we get too far I'd hear you say "It's getting' late, we need to go and it's a long way back."

Dear The Essential John Anderson,

I haven't ridden or even turned on my motorcycle for about four months. When I tried to start it, it took several attempts. Once it finally turned over, it idled very low and if I throttled even slightly, the engine would cut off. What do I need to do to get it running in order to ride it again? I did not take any precautions beforehand because I didn't think the bike would sit for that long. I'm trying to avoid a tow to the motorcycle repair shop.

- Not So Wild Hog

Dear NSWH,

So blow, blow, Seminole wind, blow like you're never gonna blow again. I'm calling to you like a long lost friend, but I know who you are. And blow, blow from the Okeechobee, all the way up to Micanopy. Blow across the home of the Seminole.

Dear The Essential John Anderson,

Have biblical prophecies really come true? Many believers claim that the fulfillment of prophecies found in their Bible is evidence that it has supernatural origins. But which, if any, prophecies really were accurate?

- Picked The Wrong Dude To Be Pope


You shouldn't wade out in deep water if you don't know how to swim. He told you it was over and like a fool you followed him into a whirlpool of emotions spinning out of control. It's killing you but you won't let him go. Let go of the stone if you don't want to drown in the sea of heartache that's dragging you down. It's pulling you under but you keep hanging on. If I'm ever gonna save you let go of the stone.

The Essential John Anderson is a syndicated advice columnist whose weekly column, "Ask The Essential John Anderson," is featured in over 250 newspapers nationwide. John Anderson plays 8:30 p.m. Friday, September 11, at Dosey Doe Coffee House, 25911 I-45 S., The Woodlands, 281-367-3774 or

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Craig Hlavaty
Contact: Craig Hlavaty