Nicki Minaj Strangely Attracted To Dinosaur Sweaters

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Lately, two figures completely dominate the Rocks Off blog. One is Allyson Townsend, whose battle to bring pop music to the Deaf and Hard of Hearing community has her scheduled to make an appearance as Diane Sawyer's "Person of the Week" on ABC's World News Tonight.

The other towering figure is Trinidadian rap sensation Nicki Minaj. So when Rocks Off saw a new music video called "Dinosaur Sweater" that claimed to feature her, we couldn't click "play" fast enough.

Waiting for Nicki Minaj is something of a Rocks Off rite of passage, so we didn't mind meditating a bit while the video loaded. The artist was listed as Dudely Jones. The name failed to ring any bells. No matter; the music was starting.

In a crappy apartment, a man we now know is Evan Cassidy places an emergency call to a buddy in order to retrieve his full-proof booty bait, his magic armor, his dinosaur sweater. That last one isn't a metaphor. A garish sweater knitted by the artist's mother when he was a junior in high school and emblazoned with primary color tyrannosaurs and stegosauruses is his "Funky Cold Medina" when worn over a fishnet shirt.

Now, at this point, we began to doubt the legitimacy of the video's claim to include arguably one of the brightest new rap stars in the country. This seemed like a put-on. That thought didn't really have time to stay for more than a quick drink in our heads though as we were now being beaten over the head with the awesomeness of a giant green bipedal dinosaur chilling with our hero in a hot tub with a number of fly honeys.

Whether she shows up or not, we reckoned, we're gonna have to count this experience as a positive if we're going to see such fine prehistoric mack daddying. But we were wrong. "Nicki Minaj" does in fact drop in to drop some rhymes, and it happens about 1:29 into the video.

Well, after that we had to have a few words with Dudely Jones. Turns out Dudely Jones is a Southern California comedy tribe founded by Evan Cassidy earlier this year that specializes in sketch comedy and music videos. They claim to be an actual tribe, living by hunting and gathering.

That's fine. We used to tell people we were one-third Cherokee. Apparently the tribe gets WiFi in their teepees, because Cassidy had no problem answering a querying email.

Rocks Off: So, how do you think Nicki Minaj is going to feel about what you've done to her?

Evan Cassidy: In Dudely Jones Comedy Tribe, we're big fans of Nicki Minaj and have a lot of respect for her work. She's insanely talented! We hope to collaborate with her someday in the future! I imagine, like all gorgeous women, she'll be attracted to The Dinosaur Sweater once she sees it in the video. I don't see why she'd be offended by my impression. If anything, I made a fool of myself - not her - by wearing a pink dress in public

RO: Does the type of dinosaur featured on said sweater affect the quantity and/or quality of booty attracted? Nicki Minaj isn't small game, y'know?

EC: It is currently unknown why The Dinosaur Sweater is so attractive to women. Psychologists interested in experimenting on this subject have been contacting us. The Dinosaur Sweater only attracts the hottest women on the planet. We've been getting all sorts of crazy fan mail from women demanding a chance to touch The Dinosaur Sweater ever since we released the video.

RO: If you could be any kind of dinosaur, which would you be?

EC: I relayed this question to Dinoboy, who responded, "If I could be a dino, I'd be a T-Rex, cuz they tall, they got weird little arms and they get the most play outta all the dinosaurs. Plus, 'T-Rex' sorta sounds like a rapper name! DINOBOY!"

RO: Before you discovered the power of the sweater, what was your best outfit for getting the ladies interested?

EC: Relayed this question to Dinoboy - "I talk about this in tha first verse 'Before I was young, I couldn't get no play.' No matter what I wore man, I couldn't get the ladies interested - not until my mama knit me The Dinosaur Sweater in 11th grade. Gotta give it up for my moms! The day I put it on, I hooked up with 23 girls just during recess. DINOBOY!"

And with that, the tribe moved on to follow the orange, plastic California herds in search of meat for the tribe.

"Dinosaur Sweater" is available on iTunes.

Jef With One F is the author of The Bible Spelled Backwards Does Not Change the Fact That You Cannot Kill David Arquette and Other Things I Learned In the Black Math Experiment, available now.

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