Pop Life

Ninjas From Texas: San Antonio Metal Crew Sells "Sex, Drugs and Mopeds"

It's a well-known fact that most band names are essentially gobbledygook, but here at Rocks Off we're doing out best to make sense of the oddest monikers.

Ninjas From Texas is a metal/hardcore act out of San Antonio. It's the sort of music that makes me sad there are no good Van Damme movies anymore. I can totally see him as an aging underground metal musician who deals out ass-beatings and justice from under a mask all set to Ninjas From Texas' "Bitch We Keep it Real." It's angry, it's juvenile, it smacks of being written in the aftermath of a bitter session of masturbation, but goddammit it has punch.

There's even a kind of brutal poetry in something like "Sex, Drugs, and Mopeds." I mean, sure, the growling and the screaming and the call for immediate gratification is still all over the place, but Neil Munoz's vocals honestly have a Salinger quality to them. There's a beautiful, empty futility to the message that he and the band accomplish well under the soulpunch.

That name, though...


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Fucking ninjas, man, really? Haven't we played out ninjas? I don't know about you, but I've been off ninjas since the third Mortal Kombat game, not to mention the fact that I cannot respect anyone the President of the United States of America can take in a fight over peaches. And there is nothing ninja about Texas. Texas is all about big balls in your face, and that's the opposite of ninja stealth and cunning.

I decided to challenge the Ninjas to a fight to the death over the truth.

"Well we we're frustrated as hell trying to come up a name," says guitarist Chris Blanco in between roundhouses and blistering solos. "I remember we went for a cruise one day and George [Arroyo, drums] locked the doors and wouldn't let us out until we came up with a name.

"It took us a good hour of driving to figure out the name Ninjas From Texas," he continues. "I just remember blurting out the most random name as a joke, George dug it and James [Contreras, guitar] was all 'I don't fucking care.' Ever since then it's been the name and the funny part is it has its way of sticking into people's heads."

Hair Balls:

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Just as I thought. Yet another stupid origin story. Is it too much to ask that a band's name actually have some kind of deeper connection to who they are? Are the Doors really the only ones?

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Jef Rouner (not cis, he/him) is a contributing writer who covers politics, pop culture, social justice, video games, and online behavior. He is often a professional annoyance to the ignorant and hurtful.
Contact: Jef Rouner