Kill Us Now, Please

No-Fun Number Ones: The Worst Chart Toppers Since Tiffany

It's no secret that chart success is no real guarantor of musical quality. Hell, "(How Much Is) That Doggie in the Window?" went number one way back in 1952, pissing kids off so badly that they had to invent rock 'n roll. Twenty-five years ago this week, however, Billboard reached a new low when mall-pop singer Tiffany's Tommy James & the Shondells cover "I Think We're Alone Now" went number one. The song stayed in the top spot for two weeks, a triumphant glory for possibly the '80s most cheerfully disposable bubblegum. After Tiffany, it seemed as though any old crap you could think of was capable of hitting number one on the charts.

Sadly, the past two-and-a-half decades have only confirmed and reconfirmed that notion. "I Think We're Alone Now," unfortunately, was only the first of dozens of intensely grating, cloying and irritating tunes to top the Billboard Hot 100. As proof, Rocks Off has assembled the 15 worst #1 hits from the past 25 years for your amusement, delight and disgust. Prepare yourselves.

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Nathan Smith
Contact: Nathan Smith