The Record Setters -- "Touch My Body" vs. "Burning Love": Here's where things get a tad controversial. "Burning Love" peaked at No. 2 on the Hot 100, but it went No. 1 on Cashbox's Top 40 Charts in 1972, and to a lot of Elvis diehards, that totally counts, bringing his tally to 18. For the sake of argument, I'm inclined to give it to him. "Burning Love" was the King's biggest hit of the '70s, and it's a rockin' tune that sums up that era of his career nicely.

Like "Burning Love," "Touch My Body" is a sexually charged love song, both artists' shared forte. The 18th chart-topper from each features the singers at a point in their careers that's probably past their prime, but still powerful. It's a close one, but "Burning Love" gets the nod.

Score: Mariah 1, Elvis 2

Sexy Time -- "Honey" vs. "A Big Hunk O' Love": Now we're talkin.' Sexuality is a major part of both Elvis' and Mariah's appeal. Elvis was so hot in the '50s that TV shows only filmed him from the waist up. "A Big Hunk O' Love" went No. 1 in 1959, and it was Elvis at his hip-swiveling best. You can almost hear the still-echoing screams from teenage girls as he sings lyrics like "You're just a natural born beehive/ Filled with honey to the top/ Well, I ain't greedy baby/ All I want is all you got."

But for teenage boys watching MTV in 1997, "Honey" kicked the dogcrap out of Elvis. After playing the good girl for the early years of her career, this song was a true eruption for Mariah, showcasing a sexier, more street edge to her image and sound. Her voice practically drips from the speakers, and the music video was unforgettable. Elvis may have had the moves, but he's never inspired much grinding in the club; at least not in my lifetime. Marry me, Mariah!

Score: Mariah 2, Elvis 2

The Big One -- "One Sweet Day" vs. "All Shook Up:" It all comes down to this: The biggest hits of each artist's career. There's no fairer way to judge a hitmaker than by the hugest, chart-topping smash they ever produced, right? For Mariah Carey, that distinction falls to "One Sweet Day," her inescapable collabo with Boyz II Men that spent a record 16 weeks atop the Hot 100. Somewhere, this song is being played right now as the first dance at some wedding you weren't invited to, even though it's about dead people.

Elvis didn't need any help to achieve the longest-charting No. 1 of his career. "All Shook Up" spent a ridiculous 30 weeks in the Top 100 and eight at the top. It also happened to become one of the most iconic songs in pop music history, a feat "One Sweet Day" could never come close to matching. Mariah and the Boyz sang their hearts out, but their combined melisma can't touch the power in Elvis' humming alone in this song. Elvis wins, folks. Duh.

Final Score: Mariah 2, Elvis 3

So, despite her 18 No. 1s, turns out Mariah Carey is no Elvis Presley. But then again, nobody else is, either. There can only be one King of rock and roll. Not quite known for her modesty, Mariah even admitted it herself four years ago when she smashed his record:

"I really can never put myself in the category of people who have not only revolutionized music but also changed the world," she told The Associated Press. "That's a completely different era and time ... I'm just feeling really happy and grateful."

Well said, Ms. Carey. No need to hang your head. You've got more No. 1 singles under your belt than any of your contemporaries dare dream of. So what if they didn't help spawn an entire new youth movement? You've more than earned your place in the music-history books.

And hey, two more No. 1 singles and you tie the Beatles! Don't stop now.