Oh, Christ: Original Limp Bizkit Lineup to Reunite

Keep Houston Press Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Houston and help keep the future of Houston Press free.

Because things aren't already bad enough out there right now, the original lineup of crotch-rocking mooks Limp Bizkit annouced today they are reuniting. Here, according to a joint statement by the band's Fred Durst and Wes Borland, is their reasoning:

"We decided we were more disgusted and bored with the state of heavy popular music than we were with each other." 

Well, thanks for that, guys. Here's the catch: So far the band is only booked at festivals in Eastern Europe and the former Soviet Union, places apparently so starved for music that even Limp Bizkit sounds like a good idea. The release made no mention of any U.S. dates, and let's just hope it stays that way. Bet the new Live Nation Ticketmaster can't wait to try to sell this one. 

Once he finished throwing up in his mouth a little, Rocks Off polled his writers for a modified round of "Who Would You Rather?": What would you rather do or see than witness the reunited Limp Bizkit in concert? 

Personally, Rocks Off would rather have intimate relations with whichever groupie was the impetus for Kings of Leon's "Sex on Fire." See what else our staff would rather do/see than this unholy abomination after the jump.

"Queen with Paul Rodgers." (Nicholas L. Hall)

"Scat porn starring Rosie O'Donnell and Osama bin Laden." (John Seaborn Gray)

"Pull some pants straight out of the dryer and then, while putting them on, have the fly of my boxers open slightly, thus allowing the piping hot zipper to touch my dong." (Shea Serrano)

"Pee in my own eyes." (Jef With One F)

"Listen to my wife discuss the plot points of the Twilight book series." (Brian McManus)

"My only infant son coughing up blood." (JSG)

"Participate in a lock-in at Zuma with people who really, really enjoy Tyler Perry movies." (SS)

"Learn of a new flesh-eating bacteria that is contained in chocolate." (Greg Ellis)

"Listen to Fall Out Boy covers as interpreted by Fran Drescher... acoustically." (Brigitte Zabak)

"Star in my own series of bukkake DVDs." (Craig Hlavaty)

"Watch Fred Durst's leaked porn film. For the sixth time." (BM)

"Kiss Phillip Seymour Hoffman right on the mouth." (SS)

"Direct a Mormon musical about abstinence." (JWOF)

"Get stoned with Papa Roach lead singer Jacoby Shaddix and listen to him talk about his connection to Mother Earth and why Sacramento is better than L.A." (Ben Westhoff)

"See a Janis Joplin reunion tour." (William Michael Smith)

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.