This week the music video for popper Justin Bieber's newest single "As Long As You Love Me" dropped onto the Internets. Co-starring Quentin Tarantino baddie Michael Madsen as a domineering, protective father, the clip feature Bieber as a rebellious and hellraising boyfriend to Madsen's innocent daughter.
Of course Madsen doesn't want his flesh and blood dating the likes of the classic-car driving, leather-jacketed Bieber. The poor pint-size Canadian doesn't wear the rebel persona well either with his painted eyebrows and waxed chest.
I watched the video in its entirety (I have health insurance) and asked a few questions that you may want to ask too.
- Why didn't Michael Madsen just cut his ear off right then and there?
- Like seriously, just on principle?
- "Are you gonna bark all day little Bieber, or are you gonna bite?"
- Does Nicki Minaj paint Justin Bieber's eyebrows on?
- WON'T SOMEBODY ANSWER THAT GODDAMNED PHONE FROM THE '50S?
- They still have pay phones?
- Is he dancing at the Capitol building? You can get a permit for that now?
- Did he deliberately pick a girl for the video to look a decade older than him? Saucy!
- Is he auditioning to be in National Treasure 3?
- Why won't he take his shirt off? I bet he has back acne. Yeah.
- What's worse, having Justin Bieber write on your hands, or cancer?
- Do you think that when you hit Justin Bieber in the face, he makes that squeaky sound that dogs make when you accidentally step on their paw in the kitchen while you are making dinner?
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- Is Big Sean to Drake what Burger King is to McDonald's?
- How did they magically transport into a Lana Del Rey video?
- Remember Lana Del Rey? That was a fun month.
- Do you think being fingered by Justin Bieber would be like Mac from Mac & Me touching you down there?
- I bet when Justin Bieber has sex he keeps his under "draws" on so he smell you later. Thoughts? Hey! Where are you going??
- Did he just go to Bieber Heaven? Did Daddy Madsen just kill him? Nothing that Madsen has done in his career beats this.