Houston's history is dotted with albums that, fairly or not, have been swept aside. We'll examine them here. Have an album that you think nobody knows about but should? Email firstname.lastname@example.org.
Mookie Jones P.A.N. (Self-released, 2011)
Mookie Jones, as it were, is perfectly quixotic. He floats through the troposphere, helium-light, seemingly nary a concern held in his brain more pressing than existing as, in the case of this album, a playa-ass nigga.
He makes sounding (being?) ephemeral feel important, barely raising his voice past a whisper or his heart rate above 40 BPM. He'd eat 50 hard-boiled eggs just because 50 is a nice, round number. He is Cool Hand Luke cool.
Yallmustaforgotability: 91 percent
Why P.A.N. Is Intellectually Interesting: Because it's dedicated like a motherfucker. And what's more, it's dedicated to "being playa," which, mesmerizingly, in the sense implied here, is obliquely similar to being dedicated to nothing at all. No operational definition of "being playa" is ever given. It likely has something to do with having money and getting blowjobs.
The First Thing Said On The Album: "The royal penis is clean, your highness."
The Best Line About Being Appealing To Women That Also References A Laptop: "I could write a How to Mack book, right in my Macbook." I mean.
The Most Likely Time You'll LOL: There are lots of entertaining Mookieisms on P.A.N., the most unexpected of which is when he spurts, "Money can't buy everything? Where yo' ass been shopping at?"
Should I Download This Tape? Yes. Hard. P.A.N. is one of the year's best tapes. It mercilessly easy-to-listen-to, which is strange way to describe anything. The whole thing blends together into one semisolid mass, which is why there is no Best Song tab in this write-up.
The only time it is even mildly aggressive is in the closer, "Pineapple Express," and that's because it's buoyed by appearances from Delo, who has gotten angrier and angrier with each of his outings; Le$, who has sharpened his fangs working alongside the Boss Hogg Outlawz gorillas; and Marcus Manchild, the most hyper of the three.
Still, Jones wanders in, flashes bedroom eyes, and water is still again. The tape is a sky full of clouds that aren't necessarily the same one but pretty much are. There are no missteps, no ill timed moves. Mookie will not -cannot--be rushed.
Obscure Fact(s) You Can Pawn Off As Your Own To Sound Smart:
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On Mookie's last tape, Tuskegee Vol. 1, the standout track is called "Keep It Playa." This entire functions as an extension of that song, and that's pretty remarkable. Mookie is pretty much the most playa of all the playas.
Also, he has a catchphrase ("Auutttooo"). He says it ceaselessly. Story goes that at his birthing, when he slid out his mother's birth canal, he stood up, cleaned placenta from his eyes, looked at the doctor, then semi-whispered "Auutttooo." For real.