- Madchester will be briefly revived in Katy (yes, the one in Texas). Few notice, although in an interview, the Stone Roses' Ian Brown responds to the news by saying, "Uh... that's great, I guess?"
- Everyone hates the new Arcade Fire album, but loves the new Creed album. This happens shortly after Satan takes over in late summer.
- A primal wolfman will be hunted in the New Jersey area for mauling several people and pets. Once the creature is finally captured, it will be discovered to simply be Glenn Danzig. Again.
- The Snakecharmers take an unexpected turn into explicit novelty music with their new album release, A Big Fat Blues Dump Right In Your Fucking Mouth. Sales are lackluster at best.
- Animal Collective is revealed to be a computer simulation designed to provide optimal entertainment to people who breathe more marijuana than oxygen. The simulation stops releasing mediocre, derivative music when it is taught the true meaning of friendship.
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- Ian Curtis comes back from the dead, but unfortunately is immediately killed and indescribably violated by the newly resurrected GG Allin.
- Several members of the Rocks Off team will form a spacey lite-rock jam band with a positive message called And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Hugs.
- Members of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Does It Offend You Yeah, and Clap Your Hands Say Yeah! tour together in a supergroup called the Naysayers.
- The next Twilight film goes in a somewhat different direction with a soundtrack featuring Passion Pit, MGMT, LCD Soundsystem, !!! and others of a similar ilk. All fighting will be replaced with vampire dance contests. The film will be called The Get-Down Funky Fang Jive Band's Ecliptical Boogaloo.
- Although universal health care is still just a dream, President Obama makes strides with a new social program designed to counsel and rehabilitate ex-emo kids.
- Similar to the way their cobwebby site was intended to compete against Rocks Off, 2995.com puts together a successful music festival to compete with Free Press Houston's Summerfest, marred only when the Houston Press' entry improbably wins the contest to name the festival. Please buy tickets to Assfart Dickbutt Shitfest 2010!