The Rocks Off Rodeo Concert Guide is our annual helpful(?) primer for those of you unsure about your HLSR music choices for the big event at Reliant Stadium.
Date: March 5
Name: Lady Antebellum
AKA: "Starland Country Band"
Have I Heard Any Of Their Songs? If you've managed to live this long without hearing "Need You Now," you are among the most fortunate people on the planet.
Do They Know What "The Shocker" Is? I sincerely hope so.
Appropriate Controlled Substance(s) For Pre-Show Raging? Zima and a ball-peen hammer.
Can I Wear My Affliction T-Shirt?. You'll want to go full-on aggro for this one, so stick with the Tapout shirt.
Will There Be Chicks There? Probably, but they're apt to be on the dull side, and you want an intellectually stimulating woman to ... nah, just kidding, brah.
Will We Get Into a Fight? If you can stay awake long enough, maybe.
Best Song(s) to Leave to Take a Dump? This may be one of those rare gigs where you never leave the bathroom.
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Check Out the Show or Stay Home And Watch Scarface? Normally we'd tell you that particular Al Pacino flick is seriously overrated and that you shouldn't bother. Not today.