The Rocks Off Rodeo Concert Guide is our annual helpful (?) primer for those of you unsure about your HLSR music choices for the big event at Reliant Stadium.
Date: March 13
Name: Jake Owen
AKA: "The guy who originally wanted to be a golfer."
What Kind of Music Is It? Focus group-approved country.
Have I Heard Any of His Songs? That song you heard in the car that made you want to jerk the wheel into a goddamn bridge abutment? That was probably "Barefoot Blue Jean Night."
Does He Know What "The Shocker" Is? Owen strikes us as a straight missionary-position kind of guy.
Appropriate Controlled Substance(s) for Pre-Show Raging? Zima and Marlboro Ultra Lights 100s.
Can I Wear My Affliction T-Shirt? Have you washed it? That thing has to be pretty nasty by now.
Will There Be Chicks There? It seems likely. He can definitely offer some valuable hair-care tips.
Will We Get into a Fight? If you stay awake long enough.
Best Song(s) to Leave to Take a Dump? "Something About a Woman," "Alone with You."
Check Out the Show or Stay Home and Watch Baseball Tonight? Even spring baseball is more exciting.
Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.