Date: March 5
Name: Eli Young Band
AKA: "The band that performed the worst rendition of the National Anthem since Roseanne."
Genre: Bummer country
Best Known Song(s): "Crazy Girl," "Even If It Breaks Your Heart,"
Key Demographic: Fans of The Bridges of Madison County, emo FFA kids, Fashion Bug's "Pattern of the Month" club members.
Previous HLSR Appearance(s): 2010
Houston Connections, If Any: The band hails from Denton, which, like Houston, is proud of the fact it's not Dallas.
If You Like This, Chances Are You'll Like: Rascal Flatts, The Notebook, those cheesy .38 Special videos from the 1980s (go watch the video for "Crazy Girl" if you don't believe us).
Odds of Wearing a Hat: 75 percent
Because He/She's Bald? Well, the bass player is bald, but the guitarist favors ironic fedoras.
Odds of Onstage Injury: Slim. That would imply some level of moving around.
Odds of Rocks Off Bitching That These Guys Are More Successful Than Slobberbone (Our Personal Favorite Denton Export): 100 percent
Follow Rocks Off on Facebook and on Twitter at @HPRocksOff.