Hey soul sister, kindly fetch me a loaded bazooka.
Hey soul sister, kindly fetch me a loaded bazooka.

Rocks Off's Ultra-Hip Rodeo Concert Guide: Train

Date: March 16

Name: Train

AKA: "Too Bad They're Not Called 'Plane,' Then My Vomiting In This Airsick Bag Would Be Technically Correct"

Genre: Ubiquitous annoyo-pop

Best Known Song(s): "Meet Virginia," "Drops of Jupiter," "Hey Soul Sister"

Key Demographic: People who: check out Mozart while they do Tae Bo, act like summer and walk like rain, listen like spring and talk like June

Previous HLSR Appearance(s): First Rodeo appearance

Houston Connections, If Any: Houston has a lot of trains, and we feel like throwing ourselves under one every time we hear that goddamned "Hey Soul Sister" song.

If You Like This, Chances Are You'll Like: Only drinking coffee at midnight, smoking a pack a day (wait, that's me), wearing high heels when you exercise... you're a flake, in other words.

Odds of Wearing a Hat: 10 percent

Because He/She's Bald? Because they're trying to be ironic, man.

Odds of Onstage Injury: Only if a helpful HLSR volunteer opens the bull enclosure and mercifully stampedes them out of our misery.

Odds of The Crowd Wondering What Genius Scheduled These Mopes to Play The Freaking Rodeo: 100 billion percent


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