So the Chron says Texas' Arctic blast-enabled rolling power blackouts are over for now, although more might be on the way later this evening and tomorrow. Obviously, there are only three things to do with no electricity in sub-freezing temperatures:
- Snuggle up;
- Knock boots.
Repeat if necessary. No one wants to do the deed in total silence, though, so pop some batteries into the boombox and push play on Rocks Off's Rolling Blackout Roasting the Broomstick playlist. Rocks Off Sr. picked a few songs from whatever we had handy around the office, while Jr. took a punnier approach. Either way, we hope it helps you varnish your cane in the dark times ahead.
Cold War Kids, "Cold Toes On the Cold Floor": Those of us with hardwood floors are in for it this week as the cold sets in. You can wear socks, but you could slip and fall and die, all alone. You would freeze in one position for days. "I'll take out the garbage/ Yeah, I will squeeze your juice/ So glad to be making scrambled eggs with you." We hope he means sex... Craig Hlavaty
Drive-By Truckers, "The Weakest Man": Rolling blackouts in sub-freezing weather mean close quarters and cabin fever, so there's bound to be a heated exchange or two, followed soon by a sweaty grudge-fuck. Thus we present this chipper country shuffle from the tireless Truckers' brand-new Go-Go Boots, written and sung by the sharp-tongued but soft-spoken Mike Cooley: "Leaving you won't be any harder than walking out the door and leaving town/ But I'll be leaving knowing surviving you don't make me stronger/ Than the weakest man who's ever turned you down." Chris Gray
Kool & the Gang, "Too Hot": This is for when you turn the heater on too high and you have nothing to do but take off your clothes and dance to Kool & The Gang videos on YouTube while you bake like a Christmas ham. C.H.
Jet, "Cold Hard Bitch": Complain about Jet being one of the most derivative bands of the 2000s while you try to warm up your ladyfriend with that extra comforter you got from grandma during the last bad cold snap while you listen a burned copy of the new Iron & Wine disc, you goddamned hipster. C.H.
Jamey Johnson, "Lonely at the Top" and "Set 'Em Up Joe": Never mind sex. With drinking songs this good, both from the "Black" half of Jamey's 2010 double-disc epic The Guitar Song, we'll take whiskey over women every time. Especially if we'll be sitting in the dark anyway. C.G.
Corinne Bailey Rae, "Que Sera, Sera": Rocks Off got the British soul singer's new covers disc The Love EP in the mail a week or two ago. The obvious choice would be the opener, Prince's "I Wanna Be Your Lover," and for pure sturm-and-drang sensuality we'd go with one of our favorite songs of the '90s, Belly's "Low Red Moon." But Rae's live cover of Sly & the Family Stone's Doris Day cover "Que Sera, Sera" stretches for 13 and a half minutes, so guys, consider that a challenge. C.G.
Social Distortion, "Gimme the Sweet and Lowdown": Mike Ness croons in his best Orange County growl. Social D swings for the fences. All the punk rock girls melt. C.G.
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