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Santa Claus Wants Some Lovin': The 10 Horniest Christmas Songs Ever

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Insane Clown Posse, "Red Christmas"

We're guessing the "red" doesn't refer to Faygo Redpop, which is just as well. After all, "Christmas with the Juggalos" sounds...what's the word we're looking for...torturous? Soul-crushing? Horrific beyond the experience of mortal men?

Admittedly, that's more than one word.

Durwood Douche, "The Christmas Gift (Just A Little Christmas Blowjob)"

Yeah, we'd take this over a copy of Dragon Age: Origins as well. One the other hand, the average BJ doesn't last 100 hours.

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Peter Vonder Haar writes movie reviews for the Houston Press and the occasional book. The first three novels in the "Clarke & Clarke Mysteries" - Lucky Town, Point Blank, and Empty Sky - are out now.
Contact: Pete Vonder Haar