Saturday Night: LMFAO At House Of Blues

LMFAO House of Blues October 22, 2011

9:11 p.m.: Generally, this would be too early to get a show. But tonight, Kreayshawn, one of hip-hop's most incendiary acts, is performing. We did not want to risk missing it.

9:15: Oh, hey, a woman wearing a gigantic, plush zebra head for a hat. Cool, cool. It took way less time to find someone to hate than we were anticipating.

9:21: Ack. The group next to us - three awful guys and one awful female - has been taking pictures of themselves for, like, eight straight minutes. "Ooh, this one is brilliant; Facebook!" Ack, ack, ack. Fuck you, Mark Zuckerberg.

9:26: Seriously? Still more pictures. It'd be neat if a rhinoceros gored us right in the gut with his tusk right now.

9:40: Okay, some action onstage. A guy in a hooded Party Rock sweater (sleeveless, duh) is throwing those glow necklaces out into the crowd. People are already going berserk. This should be fun. Or terrible. Whatevs. Either way, there's probably a 60 percent chance people get naked in here.

9:42: The DJ is out. He's in a discreet pair of jeans and a simple V-neck T-shirt. That seems waaaay too normal. Shouldn't he be wearing something ridiculous?

9:42:15: And there's the evening's first serious fist-pump action from the crowd.

9:44: Generally, it seems like the preshow DJ has a tough job. But that shit is pretty much impossible to screw up at an LMFAO show. Trying to convince people to get excited at an LMFAO show is like trying to convince ignorant people to get excited watching Maury Povich; that's shit's happening regardless.

9:51: Oh no. LMFAO's show is starting. Did we miss Kreayshawn? Oh, God. Did we miss Kreayshawn?!

9:52: Smoke(!)... dancers(!)... action(!)... confetti(!)... screaming(!)... that didn't take long. They started with one of the dancers pantomiming while audio of a person talking played. Everything is exaggerated and grandiose and hyper loud, like it was designed for kids that were 90 percent deaf and blind. This is awesome already.

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9:57: Aw crap. There's a lady a few spaces back from us, shouting "WHY ISN'T EVERYONE DANCING?! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU ALL?!" even though everyone in here is dancing and there is nothing wrong with them. If she has a boyfriend, 2 to 1 says he gets in a fight tonight over something dumb she says or does.

9:58: Yep, missed Kreayshawn. Apparently, she went on at 4 p.m. or something. Fuck this. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Where's that goddamn rhinoceros?

10:00: It's that song where they say mention a "banana split" after they say "grab my dick" except the "banana split" is used in a completely sterile, absent-of-sexual-innuendo way. Neat. Everyone in here is still going crazy.

10:06: ...And everyone onstage is in spandex now.

10:08: The loud lady from before is bulldozing her way to the front (she's not a tiny woman), pushing pass people hard, boyfriend in tow. They muscle by one couple and stop right in front of them. The guy, we'll call him Charlie, is upset that they've decided to stop their awful circus in front of him and his date.

He tells the boyfriend that they need to move out of the way. Boyfriend stares at Charlie with all of his might; Charlie is incredulous. He cannot believe someone can be so rude. Boyfriend turns around and starts fist-pumping again. His girlfriend is oblivious to the fury her wake has caused. A fight is brewing. Gorgeous.

10:09: They're in Miami, bitch.

10:09:08: BTW, totally would've been cool if LMFAO would've changed the words to that song to "I'm in Houston, bitch." Jussayin'.

10:10-14: Hey, so here's a question: These guys are serious, right? Like, they're musicians, huh? Because they're absolutely pummeling the stage right now. Their dedication to the whole party-rock subculture, which they kind of dominate right now, is entirely interesting. It's like, they might be kind of joking, but if they are, they are totally aware of it, and are being super straight-faced about it, and that makes them exceptional.

This is, like, some post-postmodernism or something. They're serious about being goofy, so much so -everything is primed and practiced and rehearsed and choreographed - that it might undermine the entire thesis statement of their existence. I mean, you can't plan to be weird and it still be genuine, right? But then the question becomes something like: Is Organic Weird that's authentic but sloppy better and more enjoyable than Rehearsed Weird that's crisp and fun to watch?

Who knew LMFAO had such a fascinating existential quandary tucked inside their leopard-print leggings? They might be the smartest du - ohp, hold on a sec, all of the guys are in speedos now, wiggling their penises at the crowd.

10:14: "Sexy and I Know It."

10:16: All of the dancers - turns out, they're from Quest Crew, that group of mostly Asian dudes from America's Best Dance Crew -are all onstage doing aerobics while wearing speedos and spandex and whatnot. Fun. And funny.

10:16:15: BTW, nobody looks cooler dancing than Asian dudes. Nobody.

10:27: "One Day." Man, even LMFAO's ballads are party-rocky.

10:30: ...And there's Redfoo playing the keytar. Took longer than we had anticipated.

10:31: Oh yeah, did you know that Redfoo is Berry Gordy's son? And the other one, SkyBlu, is Gordy's grandson? And that they are uncle and nephew to one another? And that Redfoo is 30-friggin'-six-years-old? There's so much going on here.

10:31:30: Oh yeah, oh yeah: Berry Gordy's The Last Dragon is one of the most underrated kung-fu movies of the 20th century.

10:32: Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah: On the radio, LMFAO's music is pretty terrible; that seems inarguable. In person though, it is bloody brilliant. They're like Trey Songz, except he's just terrible all the way around. You know how that goes.

10:34: That song called "Yes" that everyone thinks is called "Everyday I See My Dreams."

10:34:15: It's cool that in his dreams SkyBlu has sex in his grandma's house and still has a MySpace page.

10:37: "Party Rock Anthem"!!! This place is about to burst.

10:45: "Champagne Showers." More hype still. Some woman had to be yanked from the scaffolding on the side of the stage because she'd been driven insane by the prospect of receiving a champagne shower from one of Berry Gordy's relatives and tried to climb up it. Best. We'll see ourselves out. Thanks.

Personal Bias: My sons are big, big LMFAO fans; they're fans of anything that has a robot in it, actually. For Halloween this year, they are going as Optimus Prime and Bumblebee.

The Crowd: Well, there were at least two middle-school kids there with their dads. I hope.

Overheard in the Crowd: Lots of pseudo-singing. There aren't a lot of concert characters better than the guy at the LMFAO show who only knows 40 percent of the lyrics to "Party Rock Anthem" but sings for 100 percent of the time.

Random Notebook Dump: They ended with a two-hour version of "Shots."

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