2:58 p.m.: So this thing was supposed to start at 2 p.m., right? And we purposely got here an hour late so as to miss a significant portion of the standing around portion of the show. Only we just got texts from a few of the big name guys performing saying that they weren't going to get here until around six or seven. Dammit. We're going home. 6:10: So we're back. Walking up towards the stage again - this show is literally just a stage that's been set up in the parking lot right in front of the Southside Smoke Shop - the MC is talking some nonsense about how he wants a fine blind girl in a wheelchair. Looks like we got here just in time. 6:12: The show is plenty packed. There has to be at least five or 600 people out. This is both very good and very bad. Good because it's nice to see people turn out for events like these. Bad because it looks like there's only one port-a-potty out here. You know the disappointed "This Is Not What I Was Expecting" face that the guys in those gangbang porno scenes make while they're standing around watching a girl have sex with two other dudes? That's the face a bunch of people are going to be making pretty soon. 6:16: Big Pokey is on stage. He's very bear-like, like a great big rapping panda. Wonder how he'd respond if you tried to feed him some eucalyptus leaves. 6:21: Oh shit. Z-Ro is up sauntering around in the background on stage.
6:29: Revelation of the Day: Bringing your pitbull to a show like this is the doucho hood equivalent to wearing a sparkly Christian Audigier shirt to the club. Chew on that.
6:30: Attn Ladies: Just because you squeeze into a pair of Apple Bottoms jeans does not automatically mean that your bottom looks like an apple. Gross. Someone should really consider making a line of jeans for women that are too big for Apple Bottoms. You could call it Potato Bottoms or whatever. That seems way more appropriate.
6:34: Booyah! "Ball and Parlay." Great song. You forget how many singable songs Pokey has in the bank until he does a show like this.
6:35: "Southside We Roll On Choppas." Pokey is, as they say, doing the damn thing right now. Why don't more people talk about this guy? Oh that's right, because people are idiots.
6:37: Nice. Pokey worked "Don't Worry 'Bout Mine" into his playlist, the song from Z-Ro's Cocaine that he's featured on. He employs Ro to "grab a mic, big homie." The crowd eats it up.
6:38: Okay, are we the only ones that notice that Ro's mic isn't on and he's just lip syncing? Not cool. Someone should really say something to Ro about that. So he can murder you.
6:47: The MC is back on stage killing time between sets. His latest call and response with the crowd: "If you take a bath every day and not just on holidays, make some noise!" 6:53: The MC is back up on stage. He starts talking about having a menage a trois. He's asking the crowd who's going to be having one tonight. This little boy standing near us asks him mom what he's talking about. Her response: "Nothing. It's personal. Be quiet." Good one. 6:59: Now, by and large, the crowd out here could be described as being pretty tough-looking; it appears that several people actually have tattoos on their eyeballs. And it can be a daunting task navigating this type of terrain. But here's a trick we've learned covering these types of events you can do so as to not feel completely emasculated: Find a pocket of 12-year-old children hanging out and stand right by them. There's always a group of kids hanging out at these types of events that shouldn't be there. You find them and you're good. You don't have to be the toughest guy at the party, just the toughest guy in your immediate vicinity. 7:03: Keke is here. He always looks like he hates everyone and everything. 7:08: Nice. Don Ke is doing "Heart of a Hustler." The crowd is very appreciative. We once saw an acoustic cover of this song by some white guy on YouTube. It was pretty, ummm, pretty something. We're not sure how to describe it. It was kind of like watching those little kids do that reenactment of Scarface. Oh, that's right, you're reading this on the Internet. Here, you can watch it for yourself. And here are those Scarface kids. 7:10: "I'm A G." This song is great. The opening line -"Lord have mercy, mama done raised a real thug" - has to rate among the best opening lines in the SUC's history. 7:15: Trae just showed up. He's walking around handing out CDs and bobbleheads of himself to kids. That's cool. We heard Z-Ro was handing out dead birds and broken bottles to kids when he showed up. To each his own. 7:19: The MC is talking about The Box's (now seven-month-long) ban of Trae. His summation of the chain of events: "He got hated on by N'nete's fat ass." That was the general sentiment we got when we were going around people how they felt about the situation. 7:21: Hmmm, a baby bottle with Kool-Aid in it, huh? Sure, sure. That makes sense. 7:22: Trae dipped back into the discography a bit to pull up that "Get Throwed" remix ABN did. Z-Ro, who is on the song, doesn't make it up stage to help out. 7:25: In between songs Trae acknowledges a little kid sitting on his dad's shoulders. He grabs a bobble head and instructs the crowd to pass it back to him. Several other kids immediately get hoisted up onto shoulders. 7:27: 2nd Revelation of the Day: You know what you never see? Hood white girls (read: white girls that dress and act like thuggish black girls) dating hood white guys (read: white guys that dress and act like thuggish black guys). You never ever see that. Never. Not ever. That has to invalidate them, somehow. 7:29: Goodness gracious. Someone is whipping CDs off the stage into the crowd like they're goddamned ninja stars or something. 7:38: Courtesy of the girl wearing far too much eye makeup that's standing directly behind us talking into a cell phone: "Fuck you, too. And Vivian's bitch ass is on the stage too. I hate that hoe, real talk." 7:42: So Trae has hopped off the stage and is standing right in the thick of the crowd. He's doing "Swang." This is a favorite move of his, the "Jump Off The Stage And Do A Song From The Crowd" bit. People always eat it up. The mic cuts in and out and he starts joking about how cheap it is. Somebody shouts out that it's a Cricket microphone. That's funny. 8:03: K-Rino is out mingling in the crowd. Have you ever seen K-Rino walk? You should check it out, it's really something. No joke, we met him out at this park to take some pictures of him. We were in a car, he was walking. We finished up and were like, "Yo, do you need a ride somewhere? It's no problem, really." He was like, "No, I'm good, I got it." We got in the car, buckled the seat belt, started it up, and he was gone. It couldn't have been more than 30 seconds and he just disappeared. And the park is a wide open space so it wasn't like he had ducked behind something. He just up and vanished. You know the old urban tale about the kid that meets the really awesome girl and asks her to go to the prom and she says yes and they go and they have an amazing time and then she leaves her sweater in his car and when he goes to drop it off at her house he finds out from the mom that she had actually died four years earlier? We totally wouldn't be surprised if K-Rino was a ghost. 8:10: People are chanting for Z-Ro. It's about that time. 8:11: An appeal from the MC: "If you've got YouTube, go check out..." It appears he thinks YouTube operates the same way DirecTV or Dish Network does. Funny. (Those two forms of television, by the way, suck. AT&T U-Verse kicks both of their asses. If you don't agree with that then you're a moron.) 8:15: Rother! He starts with "Can't Leave Drank Alone" - fitting, considering he's likely about to go to prison for not being able to leave drank alone. 8:25: 'Ro too dials up the "Get Throwed" remix. Interesting. Would've been cool to see he and Trae do something together. 'Ro hits a few other gems and then disappears into the night. The MC talked about how Papa Reu, who's been hanging around for a couple hours now, is going to perform after Ro, but that's of no real interest to anyone. Everyone'll be heading home in a bit.
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