Today British singer Seal turns 50 years old, which is a perfect excuse for me to finally use the above picture and for you to all bask in its glory.
Look at it. It's Seal's head on an actual seal's head! I mean, when I first saw it years ago, I thought like, "Internet, just when I think you can't get any better..."
This week the singer seemed sage-like on his Tumblr, quoting one Bobby McFerrin:
As I sit here in my hotel room with my 50th coming up in two days. I reflect on the last 50yrs and with each minute that passes, I come back to my newfound mantra, perhaps the deepest philosophical statement ever written "Don't Worry, Be Happy"
The singer -- whose real name is the very marquee- and record-cover-unfriendly Seal Henry Olusegun Olumide Adeola Samuel -- is now five decades old, and most people only know him as that guy who sang that one song that was on the Batman Forever soundtrack and dominated the charts for the better half of 1995.
Or you know him (and loathe him) for being married to supermodel Heidi Klum (go ahead, click this) for seven years before divorcing early in 2012.
Did you ever see his music video for "Secret," which is really just a big ol' soft-core cuddle session with Klum?
Their marriage -- which spawned four kids -- made total sense to everyone except jealous guys who never got over Klum's Sports Illustrated pictorials. Or that picture of her covered in chocolate. Or all those pictures of her sporting a hand bra. She seems to be the Nirvana of that pose.
She's banging her bodyguard now or something.
But on the bright side, Seal is reportedly in the process of procuring a $6 million mansion/bachelor pad in Los Angeles. Does he get alimony or something? Seal got money?
(Read this in Patrick Bateman's voice.)
"Nothing makes me feel better on a stress-filled day than Seal's 'Crazy' because right when I feel like I am at a breaking point -- my wit's end -- I remember that we're never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy. Seal's seemingly innocuous odd to breaking out of societal norms proves that variety is the spice of life, and that the road less traveled is always worth it."
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Shake things up a bit. Turn left when life wants you to turn right. Or don't turn at all, and just push ahead.
The rest of the lyrics are confusing, and Seal brings up guns and flying and you lose the plot, but it's that chorus, that simple, concrete chorus that slams that motivational point home.
"Kiss from a Rose" was the best junior high slow-dance song ever. Or at least I think it probably was. No one wanted to dance with me in seventh grade.