Nevermind the bushes, the parking garage, the vacant tollbooth, the Wendy's bathroom, the Walmart gardening center. I guess we've all been there, when the urge and vapors and blood flow gets to be so troublesome that we just gotta have sex in the car. It has to happen in the car. No exceptions.
That's where sex expert Rachel Khona comes in. She is a contributing editor for Vaga Magazine and has written for Cosmopolitan, Inked and Penthouse, among others. She is a noted sex expert -- check out her blog -- who has appeared on terrestrial and satellite radio, and made numerous other pop-culture cameos.
This past week she sent us a list of songs that she thinks would soundtrack the perfect sexual/vehicular encounter. (With another person, preferably. Not yourself or the car itself. Although...)
Not only that, she also sent along a few tips for getting down in your car, like not doing it within a five-mile radius of people -- you could get in trouble with the law -- unless you just like having people watch you. The glove compartment can store all the lube, napkins and condoms you need. Bring a towel so you can get on the ground, and if it rains, go with it.
"Don't attempt to perform oral sex on a major freeway," Khona adds. "Wait until you're on a deserted road where you're unlikely to cause any traffic accidents."
She sent us a total of ten songs, with explanation for each, and went into detail for all of them. I can't say I agree with the Kings of Leon or Bad Company choices, but the rest of this checks out.
10. "60 Feet Tall," Dead Weather
Rachel Khona: The bluesy, dirty, murky music of The Dead Weather is perfect for getting it on, and "60 Feet Tall" is no exception. In this song, Alison Mosshart croons about her addiction to her lover and being unable to let them go with a trashy intensity that sets the stage for a sexy encounter.
Not to mention she actually mentions going from Texas to Montreal, which suggests that perhaps she is on a road trip.
9. "Sex on Fire," Kings of Leon
RK: This one is a no-brainer. The word "sex" is in the title after all. Caleb Followill wails about a really hot sexual encounter in his trademark raspy voice. The music starts off slowly and then builds to the climax as he starts the chorus. Leading up to it, we get lines like "The head while I'm driving, I'm driving." Enough said.
8. "Feel Like Makin' Love," Bad Company
RK: Only Bad Company could make the phrase "makin' love" sound hot and not like a sentimental ballad refrain. Not only is this song super sexy, it's also kind of romantic. The pounding drums punctuating the chorus are just the icing on the cake.
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7. "Slow Ride," Foghat
RK: Just one listen to the lyrics and you'll understand why this is such a sexy song: "Slow ride, take it easy/ I'm in the mood, the rhythm is right/ Move to the music, we can roll all night."
6. "Why Don't We Do it in the Road?," The Beatles
RK: Paul McCartney was apparently inspired by two monkeys on an Indian roadside. Regardless, Paul brings up a good point. Why not do it in the middle of the road? In spite of its simple lyrics which are basically the same line repeated over and over again, it's still a classic tune. It might not be the sexiest, but it's undoubtedly perfect for a road trip sexcapade.
5. "Panama," Van Halen
RK: You can't talk about hot rock songs to boink to without talking about the glory day of hair-metal. Oddly enough, this ditty is actually just about a car. But with David Lee Roth singing it's easy to take lyrics like "Ain't nothin' like it her shiny machine" as a double entendre. Take it as you will, it's still one hot song.
4. "Start Me Up," The Rolling Stones
RK: Mick Jagger is so hot and horny for whoever he's singing about, you can't help but get hot and bothered too. Any woman who can make a grown man cry as Jagger says must be one sexy broad.
3. "Anything Goes," Guns N' Roses
RK: Anything goes indeed. Axl Rose doesn't leave anything left to the imagination when he says "I've been thinkin' thinkin' about sex." No matter what the position, "Anything Goes" will inspire you to try just about every position known to mankind.
2. "Hurts So Good," John Mellencamp
RK: This ditty is perfect for road-trip screwing because it's classic Americana, just like a road trip. Clearly John realizes that a little pain can be a good thing. If you're having as much sex as you ought to be during a road trip, you'll be hurting too.
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1. Anything by Led Zeppelin
RK: The members of Led Zeppelin are the poster children for all things horny, raunchy and depraved. If you can't find a song in the Led Zeppelin catalog to get you hot and bothered, there's something seriously wrong with you.
Between Bonzo's pounding drums, Robert Plant's wailing voice, and John Paul Jones' heavy bass you'll have no choice but to get down and dirty even if they're just singing about something as mundane as their fans.