Sexual Napalm: Ill-Advised Rock-Star Hookups, Starring Our Boy John Mayer

John Mayer: He is just fantastic. In a disastrous Playboy interview, Mayer opened up about many things. For example, we discovered that, although some white comedians have successfully worked the "N" word into their jokes, Mayer is not one of them. Thanks to a monster bomb featuring the notorious slur, Mayer was villainized all over the Internet to the point where he felt the need to issue apologies on both Twitter and the stage, choking back tears during the latter.

But don't hate on John Mayer for attempting a joke and failing. What, you've never had a joke go wrong in front of your girlfriend/parents/boss/parole officer? You were just lucky enough not to have an interviewer with America's leading literary-culture-n-tits magazine sitting across from you when it happened.

No, if you're going to hate on John Mayer, hate on him for what he said later on while discussing his brief relationship with Jessica Simpson.

"Sexually, it was crazy. That's all I'll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, 'I want to quit my life and just fucking snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to fuck you, I would start selling all my shit just to keep fucking you."

First of all, John, when you say "That's all I'll say," that's traditionally where you stop talking. Secondly: Jessica Simpson? Really?

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John Seaborn Gray