2013 was a big year for Metallica, featuring performances in IMAX 3D and in Antarctica of all places. Let's face it, there's not a whole let left for the biggest rock band in the world to accomplish. I mean, when you're forced to start playing in Antarctica just to do something new, you've really hit the glass ceiling.
With that in mind, I decided to sit down and figure out some new heights for Metallica to reach. They can't have really done it all, can they? And sure, some of the things I came up with are essentially impossible, but where there's a will and the multimillion-dollar business that is today's Metallica behind it, anything can happen.
The Moon Let's just start big. Yeah, I'm saying Metallica should play on the damn moon. I feel like the spacesuits necessary to survive on the surface would be too cumbersome to allow for playing instruments in, but surely something could be worked out here. It's a big project, but hey, it would be a hell of a publicity stunt. Plus, where else is left on the Earth's surface to play?
Under the Sea There may not be very many places on the surface of the Earth to play, but there's still the seedy underbelly of the Earth: the deep blue sea. Obviously it would be impossible to play music on the sea floor, even with scuba suits and such, which is why they need an underwater base of some sort in which to play. I'm imagining something like Sealab 2021's deep-sea base seen above, except with Metallica playing in it.
The White House Is Obama a metal fan? Doesn't matter. Let's make this happen. If I could legitimately see any metal band being invited to the White House, it would have to be Metallica. Their music may be subversive, but since Jay Z and Common have both performed there since Obama got elected, I really don't think it's too out there to imagine their getting the nod.
List continues on the next page.
On a Plane Look, everybody's doing this cruise-line deal now. It's time to switch it up. We need Metallica at 30,000 feet. Would it meet FAA regulations? Who knows? Who cares? This is the ultimate in-flight experience. Get Bruce Dickinson to fly the plane like he does for Iron Maiden. This will be the rockingest flight you've ever taken. Say goodbye to flight anxiety with the sweet tones of "One" and "Master of Puppets."
The Top of Mount Everest How far would you hike to see Metallica perform? For lucky metal fans who also happen to be expert climbers, this is the ultimate travel package. Have a chance to scale the world's highest peak with the members of the band, then see a special concert at the top. I think this may pose an avalanche risk, but that's a risk I'm willing to take to hear "Enter Sandman" at the top of a 29,000-foot-high mountain.
The Depths of Mordor Wait, is this a real place? Who cares? One does not simply walk into Mordor, but imagine your greatest Lord of the Rings fantasy combined with your insane desire to see Metallica shoehorned into everything! This is the Hobbit sequel you really want to see next year. Even if it's just a cameo, we need Metallica in Middle Earth. Your move, Peter Jackson.
ROCKS OFF'S GREATEST HITS
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!