So the lead singer of Nickelback and a punk-lite pop-star from the early '00s walk into a bar...
Stop me if you have heard this one before. You won't, because you haven't, because no one expected that Chad Kroeger and Avril Lavigne would ever get married in a million years. Nevermind it's 2012, and that we had all nearly forgotten about Lavigne, making it even stranger. Where were the paparazzi pictures?
There were six months of dating involved before the engagement, which leaked Tuesday. Where were the shots of them cavorting on yachts? Looking disheveled outside a coffee shop in Burbank? The typical Hollywood paparazzi stuff we see, cementing a relationship?
A few shots of them in Paris back in May should have raised some sort of alert, a warning of things to come. But we all cast a blind eye on it.
In what world is this a step up from the guy from Sum 41, whom Lavigne was married to for three years? In this instance, we can honestly say that neither side -- without a doubt -- will see their music suffer.
As a friend put it, "it can't get any worse." They cancel one another out. There is no upper hand. Just hands. Kroeger is a multimillionaire a few times over whether we like it or not, and someone is still downloading "Sk8er Boi" off iTunes for a high-school reunion mixtape... right... now.
At least Kroeger has cut his damned hair. What do we call this? Chavril, Avrilback, Kroavigne. No.
Call it normal. Expected. "Hell, why not?"
I will say this, no one is "too good" for the other. Just as in real life as we have all seen, sometimes the most obvious marriage match is staring us all right in the face.
The exact opposites in your high-school class that shouldn't breathe the same air, but somehow pop out six kids and die in each other's arms like on The Notebook. That kind of jazz.
Uh-huh, 'cause life is like this.
If this is the end of days -- December 21, 2012 and/or World War III isn't far off -- can we expect more celebrity pairings, shacking up before the shit hits the fan? John Mayer and Katy Perry already have. Maybe it's all for the good of the future and genetics, and of course, science fiction.