I suppose if you're going to post a twerking video taken while you're wearing your footy pajamas, they should be of the unicorn variety. It makes the whole thing more magical.
In case you've been living under a rock (or have a job that requires you to do more than watch YouTube videos all day), Miley Cyrus has done us a solid by uploading a Twitter video of -- you guessed it -- her twerking skills while wearing a unicorn onesie. Yeah, I know. It fucks with my mind too.
For those of you unfamiliar with just what the hell twerking is, let me give you this -- Urban Dictionary (yeah, I went there) defines twerking as "the rhythmic gyrating of the lower fleshy extremities in a lascivious manner with the intent to elicit sexual arousal or laughter in ones intended audience."
If that isn't clear enough for you, I asked a friend what differentiates twerking from just plain ol' dancing, and he informed me that it has to do with "well-controlled muscle contractions." Yeah, I giggled too.
Miley's video is just the most recent in a laundry list of twerking escapades to be captured on film; there's Walmart twerking, twerking gone wrong, twerking gone wild, and (in case you're twerk-challenged) how-to-twerk videos.
Welcome to the next meme to run rampant across your Facebook feed. You can thank Miley for this one; as far as I can tell, despite the zillions of twerk videos, she's the first celebrity to post a meme version of the hypnotic dance.
So here's the deal. We all know how this song-and-dance goes; a celebrity creates a video doing something entirely stupid (although in this case, magical) and the whole world jumps on the bandwagon and uploads memes in response.
We've Dougied, Gangnam Styled, and Harlem Shook right along with the next person. But think about it -- I can teach you how to Dougie without teaching you how to contract your booty muscles in time to the music. Slight (SFW versus NSFW) difference.
That being said, I'd like to give you some food for thought: does anyone really need to see the entire office marketing team try to twerk on a viral video? Let's leave this meme to the professionals, folks. The professionals and the unicorns.
Below are some of the better twerking videos I've seen. Better watch 'em now; it's only a matter of time before that list includes the Kardashians and Ryan Seacrest.
Walmart Twerking Way to desecrate the cakes, lady.
Parking Lot Twerking This almost never happens when I pull into the Office Depot parking lot.
Mollie Twerking The Saturdays' Mollie King jumps on the twerking bandwagon, sans unicorn costume.
Twerking Fails Yeah, pretty much what it sounds like. It's painful to watch.
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to the mission of the Houston Press. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Houston’s stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
Aaaand, the Best Male Twerker Alive Talk amongst yourselves, children. I've got to go sanitize my eyeballs.