Miles-tones

Strait Bonin' Turns Our Beloved Icon into King of Porn Country

Of course you all know that today is George Strait's 60th birthday, and the King of Country just announced that he is coming back to RodeoHouston next spring for a March 17 date with Martina McBride and the Randy Rogers Band. What a great end that will be to a torrid week at SXSW in Austin. This will no doubt be a hot ticket come rodeo season. People may do immoral things for a chance to get inside.

In honor of King George's birthday -- the only royalty allowed in Texas -- I could rattle off my favorite songs, his saddest songs, his Cajun songs....the list goes on. I could even tell you all again about my belief that he is the Morrissey of the Lone Star State.

Is there an artist out there -- a Texas artist, namely -- who traffics in the same torment and heartbreak as Mozz? Not in the same grandly emotional ornate way, but in a more sober and uniquely stoic Texas fashion. The way our fathers would deal with the heartbreaking machinations of an ex-girlfriend or ex-wife?

See? You don't want to hear all that all over again. And sweet lord, if you Google his name and mine, it would make you wonder why he hasn't filed a restraining order yet.

What we need, folks, is some Strait Bonin'. The only kind that there should be.

Yes, I discovered this Tumblr site a few years back and watched it get updated here and there. Strait Bonin' turns common, romantic, rowdy Strait lyrics into menacing and sexual nuggets the likes of which you would hear from R. Kelly. Scattered throughout the pages are some Garth Brooks and Toby Keith memes, too. It's easy to forget that before 9/11, Keith was a normal, mulleted, pop-country artist.

Anyway, happy birthday, Mr. Strait, and I thank you from the bottom of my deluded heart for the music and memories. You have gotten me through a lot of tough times, and just made great times even better. I swear to God, Texas and your line of western wear that I didn't create this Tumblr account.

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Craig Hlavaty
Contact: Craig Hlavaty