Welcome back to Five Spot. Every Friday, we'll examine a recent bit of music news and, albeit sometimes awkwardly, tie it to a bit of Houston rap. It's five videos and occasional cussing. Send tips to email@example.com.
A few weeks back, someone sent along a link to a Facebook application titled "Which Houston Rapper Fits You?". It was one of those low budget quizzes where you answer five questions and then it tells you which [whatever the subject is] you are. They're completely without basis and little more than inane wastes of time. So we took it. And it was fun, mostly because our "score" told us that we were Bun B, which is the equivalent of a girl looking at your dong and asking you if you're part horse. With respect to Tyree(?) from Facebook, we've lifted the questions and placed them below. Give it a shot. We've amended the answers a bit because they were a bit too easy to discern (it took all of one try before we unlocked the combination of answers that would give us the "You're Z-Ro" result). Hit the jump to take the quiz.
1. It's a Saturday night and you have nothing to do, so you:
a) Chill at the crib, play some Xbox, listen to music
b) Fly out to LA for business meetings with executives
c) Head out to the club after a long day in the hook
d) Call up some people and kick it
2. Who's your favorite rapper?
b) Pimp C
c) Anything from the old school
3. When you go out, you normally go with how many people?
a) No one. I roll alone
b) 1-2 people
c) 2-3 people
d) 4-5 people
4. Worst thing that has happened to you:
a) Broken friendship over money
b) Best friend passes away
c) Best friend(s) turned on you
d) Lost your mom
5. When you listen to rap, you listen because:
a) You're going through something and it eases you
b) You love it
c) You like the lyrical art form of it
d) You feel like riding candy paint and shining
Calculating Your Results
Okay, for each question that you answered by selecting "a," give yourself 5 points. For each question you answered with "b" give yourself 4 points. For each question you answered by selecting "c" give yourself 3 points. And for each question you answered by selecting "d" give yourself 2 points.
Now, add them all up. For example, if you answered "a" for every question, your score would be 25. If you answered "d" for every question, your score would be 10. Got it? Cool. So add them up. When you're done, click that little "Next Page" down there and that will take you to the next page to see your results.
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None of them, that's which one you are. Seriously, you're sitting at a computer answering make cutesy believe questions about nothing. Houston rappers would never do that*. Could you picture Pimp C sitting there jotting down answers to some goofy quiz questions like he was a woman in a turtleneck at Starbucks reading an issue of goddamn Cosmopolitan?
Eff no. The universe would turn in on itself. What about J-Dawg? Or Lil' Keke? Or Z-Ro? Or Trae? Ganksta NIP? Holy Christ. We couldn't say exactly how NIP would respond if you asked him to take a quiz like this, but it'd almost certainly involve the business end of a knife.
*Lil Flip would answer a quiz like this, but only if you paid him. He did, after all, film that video with those guys that specialize in garage sales. Skip to the 2:45 mark.