Houston has a professional football team. They are called the Houston Texans. A lot of people like them. Some of those people are rappers.
The Internet has several forms of social media. One of them is called Twitter. A lot of people use it. Some of those people are rappers.
We perused Twitter during Sunday's game against the most bastardly bastards the Baltimore Ravens could hire to come to Houston and grabbed the ten best tweets from the aforementioned rappers on the aforementioned social-media platform.
There's cursing, hyperbole and even a completely unnecessary jab at a football coach. Malibooyah.
10. Mr. Wired Up (Oh Boy)
Let's not pretend like the free Sonic slushy isn't 40 percent of the reason everyone is so excited with Texans victories.
9. Slim Thug
Like a bawse, probably. (I snuck tacos into a game once, so I pretty much know exactly what he's talking about here.)
8. Lil O, Introducing The New Best Thing: #DickLook
Did you know if you search "Lil O" in Google Images, you get a handful of pictures of Lil O and a whole bunch of pictures of Lilo from Lilo & Stitch?
7. Bun B, Straight Man
6. Delo, Straight Man
5. Doughbeezy Might Possibly Be a Witch
It seems the only logical explanation for this paranormal activity.
4b. Hoodstar Chantz
I mean, sometimes that's all you really need to say.
4. Rob Gullatte
Sorry. This is from the wrong game. It doesn't make it any less true, though.
3, 2, 1a, 1. Jack Freeman Leads the Congregation at the Church of Swatt
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SHOW ME HOW
I suspect there is no sports figure in Houston more beloved than J.J. Watt, and that there is no move more cherished than Watt Swat. I mean, the Watt Swat is already a Top 5 Houston Sports Move (still behind the Dream Shake, but ahead of Yao Ming's Smile and Tracy McGrady's Quit).
You should be able to hire him to just come to places and swat the shit out of people who are saying ridiculous things.