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That's a Big Twinkie: A Soundtrack to the Apocalypse

The last shipment of Hostess Twinkies was supposedly delivered last Tuesday, as Hostess indeed filed for bankruptcy. Twinkies were also linked to great destructive forces in the movie Ghostbusters.

This all falls very close to December 21, which marks the end of the Mayan Mesoamerican Long Count Calendar and is also predicted to be the date of cataclysmic events that are expected to transform the world and society as we know it. In other words, the psychokinetic Twinkie apocalypse is coming.

I am also assuming that as a Rocks Off reader, one of the first things you want in your preparation for this apocalypse is a thrilling playlist that is specially crafted for these end times and is available right here, am I right?

What differs my soundtrack from other similar Internet creations? It comes with an entire Slayer box set, which even I don't currently own. Without further ado, here is your custom-tailored soundtrack to the apocalypse.

10. The entire Soundtrack to the Apocalypse box set by Slayer Thanks to Slayer, this just got classy!

9. "Smells Like Teen Spirit," Paul Anka Speaking of classy, and music that may make you angry, this swingin' Nirvana cover used to be on repeat at my first job. It reminds me of the smell of apocalyptically burnt coffee beans and makes me laugh, though. An old coworker almost quit over this song, and the Internet sees it as musical blasphemy. Some claim that our world as we know it will implode if this song is played enough. It is kind of bad. Who knows?

8. "Ghostbusters," Ray Parker Jr. In defense of the Twinkie model, this song could come in handy.

7. "The End," The Doors In case you're really worried, this song, especially as placed in Apocalypse Now, should put you in a fine mood.

6. "Earth Died Screaming," Tom Waits This scene from 28 Weeks Later provides us with another uplifting moment.

5. "Black Hole Sun," Soundgarden By popular request, this fits, though I refuse to put "It's the End of the World as We Know It (and I Feel Fine)" on this soundtrack. I've heard enough of that song for a lifetime, and maybe "Black Hole Sun" too.

4. "It's the End of the World as We Know It (and I Feel Fine)," R.E.M. Okay, fine.

3. "First of the Year (Equinox)," Skrillex This dubstep that young folks are listening to these days has grown on me (slightly). To me, dubstep sounds like an apocalypse, second to Slayer, which of course sounds like the apocalypse to all.

2. "Crystal Ball," Grimes Here's another electro-thing popular among young folk these days, though I jumped on this train. I may be okay if the glittery synth here were one of the last things I'd be able to listen to.

1. "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays,‬" 'N SYNC You don't need Twinkies. They're bad for you. You're not going to have to endure what's attributed in this terrible soundtrack. I hope you enjoy the holiday season nearly as much as 'N SYNC does in this video.


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