Bayou City

The 10 Funniest Texans-Dolphins Rapper/Comedian Tweets

The Houston Texans’ 2015 season began with HBO’s Hard Knocks introducing the team to America at large. It took a month of filming and some fancy editing to present to the nation our sometimes thrilling and frequently frustrating NFL franchise. Home Box Office could have saved all that time and money by just directing the curious to the Twitter accounts of Houston’s most notorious rappers. Keeping a tradition alive, we’ve once again collected some of the most insightful Tweets these artists/Texans fans shared on game day, a day where there was more tackle in a shuttered Galveston bait shop than in the Texans' defense.

Because of the team's comical ineptitude in a 44-26 loss to the Miami Dolphins, this week's edition of Rapper Tweets includes some much-needed levity from some of Houston's best comics, some of whom will be featured at  next month's Houston Whatever Fest. That event will also showcase a nice marriage of music and comedy, minus the Texans' humiliating gridiron antics.

10. First Quarter, 3 Minutes Left: Dolphins 21, Texans 0

9.  Dolphnado!

8. When You Start Ryan Tannehill Against the Texans
7.  Clowney's First NFL Sack: Dolphins 41, Texans 0
6. End Zone Dance Fatigue Slowed the Fins' Scoring
5. Not A Rapper. Or a Comedian. But Still Pretty Funny.
4. Sarcasm, They Name Is GT Mayne

3. They Stink
2.  Texans Open as a 6 Point Dog Against The Katy Tigers Next Week

1. The Funny Yet Sad Truth

KEEP THE HOUSTON PRESS FREE... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Jesse’s been writing for the Houston Press since 2013. His work has appeared elsewhere, notably on the desk of the English teacher of his high school girlfriend, Tish. The teacher recognized Jesse’s writing and gave Tish a failing grade for the essay. Tish and Jesse celebrated their 33rd anniversary as a couple in October.